The Real Jesus Christ

When I was 10 years old, perhaps 9 years old (after all that's a long damn time ago for me) my parents made me attend Sunday School as well as Church Services with them every Sunday, regardless of the weather and if we had a cold or an upset stomach...  this was their rule even on vacations, except Sunday School was not required.

I stopped doing this only after I graduated from high school or for about 10-12 years...  so, with that amount of exposure to Church and Sunday Sermons, I pretty much remember all the major stories described in the Bible, that ministers typically "preach" about on Sundays...  additionally and probably most importantly, I was given the impression by the ministers that Jesus Christ was indeed Caucasian in his appearance, illustrated by the image on the left side of the image above, when in reality, Jesus should have been portrayed by the right side of the image above.

Why were we not exposed to the TRUTH by these ministers???

Jesus was born in the MIDDLE EAST and as a result should have MIDDLE EASTERN features and yet American ministers wanted to convince us otherwise.

This was the first issue that PISSED ME OFF about institutionalized religions...  but, the other issue that absolutely none of the preachers, ministers, priests, and/or pastors discusses in the pulpit is the fact that Jesus was an extraterrestial...  an alien...

Think about this:

1.  How was Jesus conceived inside Mary's womb???

Certainly not the traditional way...

2.  Jesus made the comment...  "My kingdom is not of this world..."

Not of this world, to me, means not of EARTH...  that's a no-brainer...

3.  Jesus performed miracles...  what other human being has ever done that?  Sure, it was with the help of God, but God for all intents and purposes is another ALIEN as well...

WHAT ELSE IS INSTITUTIONALIZED RELIGIONS HIDING FROM US???

The Last Day of the Month

March is done...  almost history...

Time to look forward to April, May, and June...

Mowing lawns
Killing stink bugs
Bee stings
Bug bites
Ticks

It is widely believed by experts that COVID-19 will peak in two weeks...  that means that by the middle of April we should be on the downside of this disease...

Thanks CHINA

Personally,  I think the WORLD should make China pay big for this pandemic.  This COMMUNIST country LIED to the world about their problem and exactly what they were doing.

Stupid, stupid, stupid CHINA...                          

We Can Only Hope...

My bad...

Can You Believe This Shit???

I created a fake profile on Facebook because my original Facebook Profile got hacked and the hacker changed my email address so I was locked as soon as I logged out...  I contact Facebook about it but they did not do squat.

I just looked on my Facebook Profile and I have over 2100 FRIGGIN FRIENDS....  and, I do not know the first one, especially since my profile has been faked...

Where did I get all the friends?

If you have a Facebook account and would like to have some friends, you can borrow some of mine without any kind of financial compensation because I am just that kinda guy.

Closing Colleges

I saw this cartoon and could not resist posting it...  MOST, if not ALL Colleges/Universities are LIBERAL, except for the Business Departments which teach business practices based upon a conservative approach even though they are using Case Studies to teach the lessons.

I was, because of my College Indoctrination, full of liberal ideas and idealism until I went to graduate school for an MBA...  then, and only then, did I realize the value of Capitalism and being a fiscally responsible conservative...

While we do have a lot of socialistic shit going on in this country (anything PUBLIC is socialism), moving any farther in that direction is being fiscally irresponsible.

MY OPINION - like ASSHOLES, everybody has got one...

Write When Wandering

, tumblrI have pretty much been wandering all my life and I guess I will keep wandering until I no longer live...   This blog is not the only blog I maintain...

On this blog, I have links to other blogs I maintain:

Reflections:  White Scorpion
this is where I post all the poems that I have been writing since 1972 and when I stopped concentrating on writing poetry in 2012/2015, I had written over 42,000 of those suckers...

My Cancer Journey
I have been treated for cancer since 2007/2008 and it is only recently that I decided to write about my experiences with cancer over the last decade or so in the hopes that others might benefit from reading about what I endured and continue to endure...

My Bipolar Life
well...  this is mine as well...  sometimes, I think weird thoughts, depressing thoughts, or angry thoughts and so I use this forum to share those with people...  these thoughts happen daily, so I have been posting lately.  I don't if reading my thoughts will help anyone but me but I still need to get them out of my head...

LINKEDIN
I have had an account on LinkedIn since 2001 and created a profile there because it was one of the best and still is one the best business networking forums around.  I used to post my thoughts there daily and still do sometimes but mostly it is every other day or so...  You have to have a profile to see mine.

FACEBOOK
I used to have a profile in my name there for over 5 years but it was recently hacked and my password was changed and I was locked out.  I sent Facebook emails about what had happened but they never responded, so I just created a new profile used a False Name and a very strong password.  In less than a month, I have over 2100 friends...  my name is Alan Catale if you are interested...  You have to have a profile to see mine.

TUMBLR
This blog is not maintained daily and is XXX rated for the most part...  This is where I release my inner devil...   it is listed under Catale2000  Reflections and...  You have to join for free to see this blog...

Anyway, I try to maintain all of these on a daily basis which is not that hard considering that I am retired and don't have anything else to do with my time...

I've been thinking...

… which is dangerous for most of us, especially me, but thinking I've been doing nonetheless...  This month, I have the following scheduled in Knoxville:

MUST KEEP APPOINTMENTS

• PET Scan -  to determine progress of my two cancers 
• Urology Appt -  to determine if I need further tests for prostate cancer
• Orthopedic Specialist -  due to a cracked disk in my back because of a fall, landing on wooden steps
• Oncologist -  PET scan results and monthly chemo treatments

So, what I've been thinking is how much I am AT RISK every time I venture into the public for anything, even when that venturing is equally as important.

Appointments that are not that critical have been postponed until June, these are:

• Dermatology - for possible skin cancers due to my chemo treatments
• Allergy Specialist - ongoing sinus issues

My thoughts are, if my back is not hurting me that bad as I get close to the appointment on April 22, I will postpone that sucker as well...

I realize that DEATH eventually comes to all of us, sometimes sooner than we expected or desire but it always arrives...  it's just that I enjoy a Venti Vanilla Cappuccino from Starbucks too much to die, especially since I got $50 in gift cards for Starbucks for Christmas...

I believe she's turned on...

I am a CONSERVATIVE LIBERAL

WTF does that mean?

Well...  first and foremost, I am a liberal and share many of the ideas as well as many of the ideals that liberals and the Democratic share inside the party.

I am in favor of

• LGBTQ+ rights even though I don't understand what the "Q+" means...
• a female's right to choose but against late term abortions
• legalizing marijuana but not cocaine, opium, or heroin
• the Second Amendment
• a balanced budget and a reduction of debt
• a strong military

I am against Labor Unions

I don't think that the Government should BAIL OUT businesses because if the finances get that bad then it is the fault of MANAGEMENT...

I don't think that CEO's or anybody for that matter is worth a salary of $1,000,000+ each year...

I think profits should be invested back into the company for expansions and new products and with the employees who got them those profits in the first place...

I watch FOX NEWS because it is the least BIASED of all the media outlets... like CNN, CBS, MSNBC, and ABC...

I have literally compared FOX NEWS with the other outlets and they either do not report what FOX reports or they slant it so that it does not favor the President.

While I did not vote for President Trump, I do think that what he does and says should be reported in a balanced and fair manner...

President Trump acts like a jerk in so many ways and often but he did create and build a very strong economy even if it was first started by the previous President.  Many companies are started by a father or grandfather and the next generation takes what was already there and grows it 10 times...  who should get credit for that?

The one who started the company?

The one who grew the company?

ADDITIONALLY,
I am debt free and have been debt free for over 12-15 years (cannot remember exactly) and I believe that our Government should be debt free as well...

The only time our Government should borrow money is when we are at war or when we have a crisis like COVID-19 or some other kind of natural disaster.

This is basically why I am against SOCIALISM...  because we cannot afford.

Socialism is nothing more than what we saw on TV when we watched Star Trek...  that was Socialism at its best...  and, I am in favor of everything that the series shared with us AS LONG AS WE CAN PAY FOR IT...

It is wrong to finance Socialism by forcing the wealthy to pay for it...

Interestingly...

... the older I get the more conservative I become...

Sunday in the Valley

A storm blew through the valley this morning about 5:00 am waking up both my wife and I because of the rain hitting against the window and the wind...  this is very unusual for me because I sleep through damn near everything, including rain/wind storms worse than this one.  Fortunately, it only lasted about an hour or so but it was forceful enough to move furniture and carpets around on the back deck.

Once up, I just decided to stay up...  so, I fed the cats who were roaming around and let me know that they were STARVED TO DEATH as soon as I opened the door to the bedroom...

If I do not respond to their requests right away, they either start fighting each other to get my attention or they decide they need to do a little mischief to get my attention...

Once fed my 3 monsters settle down and go back to bed and typically will sleep for a couple of hours before they are again out and about, looking for food or trouble or sometimes a soft lap in which to jump into and continue their sleep...

It appears that there will be no sunshine today as an overcast sky seems to be lingering around and whatever work that was going to be done will have to be postponed...  And, while some (who are impatient) might think that would be a pain-in-the-ass to postpone a work activity, let me remind you that we are both retired and can work outside while you must work for your employers...

Retirement does have its advantages...

Is this what you want???

Saturday Afternoon

75 degrees in my neck of the woods...
I like living in East TN because the Blue Ridge Mountains are on our right side and the Cumberland Plateau is on our left side and we are in the valley in between the two...  so, what does this mean?  Weather systems coming in from the east or from the west are pretty much blocked.  Systems do not come down from the north but they do come up from the south which is rare but it happens and when it does that is the only time we receive bad weather...

Our winters are mild...  we may see 32 degrees and/or below for 4-6 weeks but the odds are that it will be less...  our winters are usually in the high 30's or low 40's...  and, if it snows one day, the temps go up into the 50's on the next day or the day after...

HOWEVER, this is not the best part of East TN...  the best part is the fact that it is 15-21% cheaper to live in here and this is NOT TRUE for middle or west TN...  Of course, all of TN pays no State Income Tax which typically saves about 7% of one's income.

The cost to build a home is less than the national average
2400 square foot home
1 acre of land,
residential community
$120,000  (ten years old)
3 garages
4 bedrooms
3 full baths
1 mile from Walmart Super Center
1 mile from Lowes
1 mile from banks
1 miles from gas station
7 miles from Interstate
1 mile from fitness center

The purchase price of a home is less than the national average
For Instance:
(and this does not take into consideration LOCATIONS)
the price of a home in Raleigh, NC or Chapel Hill, NC might be $500,000 but the same square footage would only cost you $250,000 here...

I am 30 minutes from a Top Notch University Hospital
I am 40 minutes from the airport
I am 50 minutes from Oakridge National Laboratories
I am 75 minutes from the Bristol Motor Speedway
I am 75 minutes from Dollywood
I am 90 minutes from Gatlinburg
I am 120 minutes from Cherokee Gambling Casinos
I am 4 hours from Atlanta, GA
I am 5 hours from Charleston, SC Cruise Ship Ports
I am 6 hours from Myrtle Beach, SC
I am 8 hours from Destin, Florida

Temperature
                                      Cost of Living  
                                                                         Location
                                                                                                         Weather Conditions

STAY HOME... Stay Home... stay home...

Are You Wishing For This?

Nude Celebrities

Intelligence

Intelligence is a Netflix series that takes place in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada about the CIS, a Canadian Intelligence Service  (US FBI more or less) where the leader of that service (Mary) is being considered for a position in a more sophisticated intelligence service which would be similar to our CIA, I suppose.

The CIS is looking into a drug operation lead my a man named Jimmy who has a reciprocal agreement with Mary about sharing intelligence with each other for each other's benefit.  While this is taking place, Mary is talking with several other people, male and female, about spying for her while they are spying for someone else or another country.

This series is produced by the BBC which I believe produces better series than we do here in the US...

Yes...  this is my personal opinion and while opinions are like assholes, everyone has got one, my asshole is certainly an opinionated one, especially since I am not a film critic or a movie series critic or a critic of any sort for that matter.

Check this out...

W I I F M ?

What's
In
It                                                      

For
Me?

Hard to believe that Americans are so selfish but it is true when it come to one's working environment and especially since Management does not take care of its workers that well...  and, if you are in a State with the following laws on the books:

Employee at Will

Right to Work
The first pertains to employers having the ability to fire a worker with giving a reason for that firing.

The second pertains to employees that want to work without joining a Union can do so.

BOTH OF THE LAWS work to the advantage of the employer moreso than the workers although the latter does favor the worker...

CONSEQUENTLY,
Hourly workers as well as every single level of management (lower, middle, upper) looks towards themselves than they do for the company...

If an hourly worker is given the option to becoming a supervisor, that employee thinks:  WIIFM

If a middle management worker is offered a higher position, that employee thinks:  WIIFM

IF a CEO is offered to be the President, that person thinks:  WIIFM

HOME until JUNE now...

Since the USA now has the greatest number of COVID-19 cases in the world, it is easy to believe that our economy will be shut down at least for the next two months...  that is to say the rest of March, plus April and May...  Only essential services will be working like law enforcement, healthcare, military, fire departments, and emergency medical...  However, some restaurants who have "take out capabilities" will be working at half force as well.

BEING RETIRED...  my income is steady although some of my investments have lost 20% of its value, but there is always savings on which I can rely 10-20 years from now.

As you get older and/or approach the year that you are going to retire (if not sooner) you should start planning for your retirement.  If I had planned sooner, I would be much better off than I am now...  for instance:

THE RULE OF 72 - take the interest earned rate and divide it into 72 and that approximates the number of years it takes for your money to double.

If you are earning 3%, your money will double ever 26 years
If you are earning 5%, your money will double every 14.45 years
If you are earning 10%, your money will double every 7.2 years
If you are earning 12%, your money will double every 6 years

NOTE:  Since data has been collected on investments (the last 50 years or so), a MUTUAL FUND has been earning, on average, 12% each year, if you leave it alone for 20 years.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR YOU?
If you were to save $2.50/day and invest it into a mutual fund at the end of each month and leave it alone for 40 years, you would have $500,000...
If you and your wife did that, you would have $1,000,000
On the Average:  you can count on about $400/month for every $100,000
So, $500,000 would yield $2,000/month

THINK SMART...
is the key here...  you are only stupid if you don't think smart...  relying on our Federal Government is a waste-of-time and actually counter-productive.

Congratulations people...

THE USA NOW HAS MORE COVID-19 CASES THAN CHINA...  and the rest of the WORLD...

The USA is #1 in arrogance...

We don't need to wear facemasks...                                                        
We don't need to self-isolate...

Take A Walk On The Wild Side

Play that Funky Music White Boy...

I grew up in Alexandria, VA until I was a freshman in high school and that summer we moved to Cairo, Egypt instead of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; it seems that my dad had two job offers but decided to take the job in Egypt because it was going to be more challenging.  Back then, I don't think I gave a damn either way to be quite honest with you.

The Government paid for our trip to Egypt on an Ocean liner...   USS Constitution, as I recall...  the ship was part of the Holland-America Cruise line...  I had my own inside cabin but have no idea on what level it was...   All I remember is that once the ship was 3 miles away from the territorial waters of the USA, I was old enough to drink alcohol...  and, I did exactly that.

I was in Cairo, attending Cairo American College (CAC) which was their high school and grades K-12 were all in one compound.  I graduated in 1966 and there were only 28 people in our graduating class representing 15 or so different countries.  During those years in Egypt, there was no racial prejudice or ethnic discrimination at all...  it was never part of our thinking.  I dated Middle Eastern women, Oriental women, Caucasian Women, African women, and Spanish women...  it just did not seem to make any difference at all to me or to them.

HOWEVER, when I returned to the good ole US of A, it was completely different and everywhere I turned there was some sort of racial or ethnic prejudice taking place...

It was easy not to like the country or the State in which I was born...

Secret Desires

Submission

After Fifty Shades of Grey opened in our movie theaters, the American public was finally exposed to that which had been taking place in the country for years...  it's just that it was happening behind closed doors and not many people talked about it...  similar to be a lesbian or gay...  most of the situations like this were taking place between a male and his submissive female...  but, in reality most of what was taking place was between a FEMDOM and her male submissive...

BUT, not many males would admit to having fantasies of being controlled, humiliated, and beaten by a female because they are obsessed with the erotic feelings that they would be feeling.  Being controlled by a wife is not the same thing as being controlled by a FEMDOM...  there is a sexual, erotic sensation that flies through a male's body like a bolt of lightning or electricity.









The more a male has power over people at work, the more that same male craves submission to a female...  not just any female...  one who is sexy, enticing, alluring. with an attractive appearance that gives one the impression that she would screw your eyeballs out...  For some males, large boobs is a turn on or small boobs...  it just doesn't matter as much as the feeling of voluntarily submitting...  Some men can have orgasm while they are being whipped.

Hump Day

Yes, this is Wednesday and typically referred as Hump Day because it has traditionally been the middle of the week, since there was no work on Saturday for most jobs.  However, it is somewhat misleading because we have always had people working on Saturdays and even Sundays if you are in the military, law enforcement, emergency medical, healthcare, manufacturing, or other companies...

Actually, Thursday is the true Hump Day because there are 3 days before and 3 days after that day and this will continue to be the case unless we change the number of days in a week...  lol

What is interesting here, at least for me, is that I lived in Cairo, Egypt from 1962-1966 and the school that I attended (Cairo American College - a high school) was right beside a Camel Depot.  Camels are dirty, smell bad, have bad attitudes, and oftentimes spit when irritated or pissed off.  They don't like strangers but they will respond favorably to their handlers who feed them.

Cannot Sleep

Here recently, I have been having a difficult time sleeping even though I am tired and feel like I can barely keep my eyes open; however, when I go to bed, I am wide awake...

I do not take a nap in the afternoons on these nights that I cannot sleep and in the past when I took an afternoon nap, I still had no problems falling asleep; and, I am not worried about anything that has been the case in the past when I was working...

I used to have facial hair...  a moustache for over ten years, then a goatee for a couple of years, and a beard for about a year... now, I am clean shaven...  at least every other day, I shave.  I don't care for facial hair at all anymore...  even though older males like to grow beards to show everyone that they are still macho...   I find that attitude somewhat silly and stupid...

I have also noticed that gay males and bi-sexual males, especially those that are married all wear beards as if somehow that hides their secret identity from the public.  That too is stupid and silly and they should just admit that they like to smoke cigars now and then.

Taking a break...

For Your Information

"We are shielded by 
the loose fitting 
clothes of our failures,
 and yet, we continually
 change our dress to the
seasons of our dreams."

This is a poem that I wrote back in the 70's and is typical of the kinds of poems that I write...  usually 4-6 lines with about 25-30 words...  In 2015, I pretty much stopped writing poetry, but from 1972-2015, I had written over 42,000 of these quick little poems.

I started a blog, Reflections In Thoughts, to publish these poems in the hopes that a few people might find them interesting and check out my blog daily to read the next one.  Later, I changed the name to Reflections: White Scorpion.

Currently, I have 3 other blogs that I post to on a daily basis:

1. Journal of Daily Page
2.  My Cancer Odyssey
3. A Bipolar Scorpion 
   

My writing is ongoing

I keep myself from getting bored by writing...

I started with poetry...
Then wrote research papers for college...
Then articles for LinkedIn
Then posts on facebook
Then, I completed two novels

My facebook page was hacked and taken over by the hacker...  this person changed my email and when I logged out, their new email took over, and since the password was changed, I was unable to logged back in.  Therefore, I created another Facebook page but under a different name...

BTW, I contacted FACEBOOK about what had happened to my account, and they ignored all my emails and consequently provided me with NO HELP...

Everyday Actions

With decaf coffee with 1 tablespoon of sugar free Cappuccino mix in hand, I sit on my side of the couch and watch FOX News until about 10:00 am...  give or take.

Why my side of the couch?
Because, that is where a table and lamp is located...  my wife uses the other table and lamp.

Why FOX News?
Because, it appears to be the least unbiased media outlet.

In the 60's, I was a solid Kennedy Democrat...  HOWEVER, the Democratic Party has changed for the worst and not only has become too liberal, but is rapidly moving towards Socialism.

Why too liberal?
I am against late term abortions
I am against open borders
I am against labor unions
I am against free college education
I am against free healthcare
I am against a weak military
I am against a large government
I am against forcing the wealthy to pay for it all

Businesses and Corporation are at fault here as well.
Greed has been their sole motivation it appears and it seems to be getting worse instead of getting better.  Instead of living with a 5-10% profit margin, companies are now seeking a 20% profit margin while eliminating expenses by 20% which ultimately could influence quality and while increasing sales/revenues by 20%.

It's the 20%-20%-20% Golden Triangle of operation!
This is being taught in our Business Schools...  and, it a greedy concept at best.

WHO LOSES with the business approach?
The American Worker loses...

So, as far as the Democrats are concerned, I agree with them...  Businesses should be stopped and these high wages that are being paid to CEO's should be stopped...  when they back off, Democrats will be forced to back off.

Until then, Democrats have their heads up their asses...        

Staying at home...

One would think that staying at home would be easy... but, after being retired for 5 years, staying at home can and often does fall into the category of boring.

Why is that?
                                                                                             

Well, for me...  the answer is easy and simple...

I don't have a hobby.

Sure, I like to write, but writing can only last so often during the day...  once I have written for 4-6 hours for 5-6 days, I don't much feel like writing the next day.  When I was writing my novels, I would get so caught up in the writing of it, that I would forget all about time...  the only thing that was on my mind was the STORY...  the story...  the story.

For some reason, I decided I was not a good novelist, so I just stopped right in the middle of my third novel...  QUIT...  no more...  done.

What else could I do to pass the time?

1. Exercise
2. Work in the yard
3. Clean the house
4. Read a novel
5. Watch TV/movie
6. Go for a walk
7. Return to oil painting
8. Return to photography
9. Take up carving
10. Take up coin collecting
11. Surf the web
12. Doodle

Everything kinda leads me back to writing...  PISSER!!!

I enjoy cooking stuff but I don't know how to cook in small portions and we don't have the refrigerator space for a bunch of plastic cartons.  Plus, right now with the panic buying that is going on, there is not much food available in our grocery stores.

I could VOLUNTEER and Tennessee is known as the Volunteer State, but I suspect that even volunteers have to schedule a specific time and day(s) of the week and I don't much like the idea of having to be somewhere day-after-day or week-after-week.

This is not the first time that I have thought about what to do with my time now that I am retired and cannot travel all the time and it probably will not be the last...

Benefits of Journaling

Writing

Since 1972, I have been writing "something" daily which could be poetry, articles, journal entries of personal thoughts and feelings, and/or novels.  I have written 2 novels and 1/2 of a third novel then decided out of the blue that perhaps my writing was not worth reading and stopped...   just like that...
Yet, I continue to write comments on blogs...   why?  Are these comments not the same type of quality writing that one might expect from someone writing a novel...  perhaps or perhaps not...  how do one qualify the quality of one's writing?  Outside of one's self that is?

FEELINGS
How important are one's feelings and thoughts that are shared with anyone who wants to read them...  and, why would anyone want to do that in the first place?

I don't give a shit about what you think of me and my writing, so why should you give a shit about what I have to say?

Still, I am compelled to write regardless of if anyone read this stuff or not.

If I were "BI" or "GAY" would you be more interested in what I had to write?  Or, perhaps, you might be interested if I described my encounter with a "shemale" when I was in the Navy and we were visiting the port of Barcelona?  This was back in 1971...  did you realize that "shemales" were around in droves back then?

As I recall, she was beautiful and at first glance I thought she was just another prostitute hustling...  then, as I got closer she spoke to me in a deep male voice wanting to know how horney I was...

There was a group of us sailors walking around the city at night drinking and I was the only virgin in the group when it came to something like this and when my face turned red and I did not know what to say, they all laughed...  I told them to come back for me in a couple of hours...

How many people do you think I have shared that story with?

Wondering

WONDER means:  a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable...

Have you ever wondered?

I wonder all the time...

Why is our universe still expanding?
What is our universe expanding into?
Are we the only species in the universe?
Was Jesus the first alien to visit earth?

There is some form of truth with religion in that the Roman historian Josephus documented that a man named Jesus did live during the time that the Bible claims that he lived on earth and that this man was, in fact, crucified...

Interesting...  right?

Jesus told Pontius Pilate that "...my kingdom is not of this world..."

So, what does that phrase really mean?

Could it mean another planet 

or,

Could it mean another dimension?

And, if Jesus was wrong another dimension and appeared in our dimension then he was capable of interdimensional travel and probably time travel as well.

So, 
what is it about TIME that we find so alluring and enticing?

It is believed that TIME only moves forward...  and if, that is the case then what happens to the TIME that is left behind?

Does that time disappear or remain?

If it remains, into what is it remaining since we are always living in the present time?

And so,
these are the kinds of things about which I wonder...

There really is no definitive answers here...
only speculations...
conjectures...
guesses...

This is what I wonder about on days like today where it is raining and nothing can be done outside and I am too damn lazy to do anything inside.

EROTICA

RAIN... Rain... rain...

There is a sense that I am floating away in one of my fantasy dreams before I fall asleep, on a raft in a raging river like Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer, carelessly but intentionally trying to escape the realities of a brutal life before the Northern Carpetbagger brought civilization to the South...  or, at least it was like that in my fantasy dream...

These fantasy dreams are not a ONE OFF as some of you might have surmised but they tend to be my mode of operation every night before I fall asleep...  to create a fantasy life, different from the one in which I currently live, but one that is rich with activities that will never see the light of day for me outside of the fantasy which swirls around inside my head each night.

It is the attention to the details that finally puts me to sleep...  I am not sure if I have bored myself or just drifted off because of the tediousness of the task.  In either event, the details are never completed within the context of the storyline; and yet, it is the storyline that is relived each and every night as if it never had taken place the night before.  It changes only after I have become bored and need a new fantasy.

Being retired for 5 years now, most of my time is already being spent inside the house, so social distancing is not a problem for me.

Right now, my wife does most if not all of the shopping so I do not have to come into contact with the public due to my low if not non-existent immune system as a result of fighting two cancers for over 12 years.

We had already been buying some supplies in bulk from SAMS so we already had a 90 day supply of toilet paper, paper towels, coffee and some frozen foods.  We also had just recently purchase meat from OMAMHA STEAKS giving us enough food for over 30 days as well, if not longer if you substitute beans for meat.

As far as entertainment inside the home, we have cable and ROKU which gives us plenty of access to a variety of shows and movies, some of which we do not care for but watch anyway to pass the time.  We also spend time reading and working on project both inside and outside of the house.  Fortunately, we live in a community where our neighbors ever since we moved in twenty years ago, seldom venture out of their homes during the summer months, and typically have a third party maintain the yard outside.

Next week, I have to drive to the hospital in Knoxville to have my monthly chemo infusion and I plan to wear a facemask while there, but I will simply go there and return with no side trips except maybe the drive-thru at McD's for some coffee...  they have always had good coffee but maybe not as good as Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts but still good enough for me.

Being alone and isolated is what I do best...

DON'T FORGET

One Day Ago

Saturday

We were able to cancel our condo rental at Destin, Florida without any hassle at all which was really amazing given the fact that the contract says that under no circumstances will money be refunded...  looks like COVID-19 has changed their minds this time...

SOCIAL DISTANCING is what the media is calling this...  staying away from each other as often as we can...  staying inside as often as we can...

I have only been once so far and that was for gasoline and I wore gloves while pumping the gas but next week, I have to go to Knoxville for my monthly OPDIVO infusion which, to some degree bothers me because people around here have NO FEARS of catching the disease which is rather stupid if you ask me...  but, this area only has about half a dozen cases so far and people are just not worried or don't want to appear as if they are worried like the rest of the country.

It is during times like these that I get amused by all the Christian who claim they believe in God's will being done here on earth, but do not want to die in the process of implementing God's will, so when it comes down to it, they are Christians only IN THEORY as one might say...  when it is convenient for them to be...  yet, make the claim that they cannot wait until they are called to heaven...  as long as it is not prematurely...  lol

We all will DIE...  that is a fact of life...
Death is final for our bodies but not our souls...
But, it is our bodies to which we cling the most...
May GOD forgive us all...

A look back...

This caricature of me was created by a local NC artist in 1977...  and, was done to be used as my logo whenever I wrote articles for the local newspaper which I did for 8 years and this drawing was used about once or twice as I recall...  I wrote a monthly column on the "ARTS".

Japanese YOKAI

WILL WARD OFF DISEASES...

French Nude 1920's

Did China intentionally release the COVID19 virus with the hopes of it slowing down the US economy and was China working with any wealthy people in the US so that they could also benefit from this virus because of their connection with testing facilities?

I am sure that Hollywood will soon make a movie out of all of this to capitalize on our stupidity...

How will you handle the impact on our economy?

Are you working or retired?

Do you rely on your investments for your income?

Are members of your family sick?

Personally, because of my non-existent immune system these days, I must be very careful even though there are not many cases of people testing positive for COVID19 in East TN.

Just as the branch falls into the water so too does my life fall into the pond of old age as I sense my physical strength leaving, my eyesight failing, and my endurance cut short in all tasks...

"I am cleaning up the mess that you made several years ago," was the phrase my wife used yesterday when I asked her what she was doing on the porch...  I started to ask her why she had waiting so long to fix it, but I decided not to stir the pot anymore than it already was.

These are the kinds of comments I hear from her all the time these days, leaving me to wonder why the hell she still remains in the marriage.

"I should have left him years ago," was a phrase she said to a male friend at church after he told her my comment in the elevator as to I did not know how she was...  The man and his wife were with me in the elevator going up to the 4th floor of the cancer building and the first thing out of his mouth was, "how's your wife?"  So, I said, I did not know...   So, he reported my comment to her the next time he saw her at church...

Not the kind of statement, a female should make to another male.

TYPICAL AMERICANS

Americans used to be respected all over the world because of our standard of living, our quality of life, our freedoms, and our motivations to pursue happiness...   BUT, that is not the case anymore...  why?

We have become arrogant, self-centered, egotistical, and believe that we are better than the rest of the world because of where we live...

This attitude does not necessarily pertain to the wealthy...  it is simply how most of us feel...

Then, we have a group of liberals on one side and a group of conservatives on the other side, both represented by wealthy people who believe their ideas are better than the other side's ideas...  So, we fight each other and have been fighting each other for decades accomplishing nothing.

When something terrible happens to this country like COVID 19, we become extremely selfish thinking only about ourselves and our immediate families.  We collect as much as we can and store so that our family is taken care of and do not care what happens to the rest of the people.

As it turns out, this is who we really are...

Hump Day

COVID19 is spreading throughout the US and especially in our major cities like NYC and my wife and I wonder that maybe we should go nowhere without a face mask.  The other major concern for us is the Trust Fund from which we get our monthly income...  as the stock market goes down, it goes down and we may only have those funds for another 5 years instead of 10 years that we had anticipated under normal circumstances.

Our vacations overseas and possibly on cruise ships is probably over leaving us vacationing in Florida or South Carolina instead of going anywhere else...  and, to be quite honest with myself, I really don't want to go anywhere anyway.  Our last overseas trip to Paris and London was a bust except for the train ride we took to Geneva.

I have a list of projects that I need to tackle once the weather stays warm because these tasks are basically to be completed outside and involves rearranging storage areas for better access and storage.

I have suspended writing my third novel because I do not feel confident with my ability to write and while I should write anyway, I have lost my desire...

At 72, I have two decades left more or less and I need to find something to keep me busy otherwise I will continue to fall deeper into my temporary depression which could become permanent.

Life is a bitch.

Another thought

Today, my MS Office subscription expired, so I called the online office and told them that I had a free version of Office365 through King University and I did not need to renew my subscription.  The CSR I spoke said he saw all that and would take care of it, now my excel spreadsheet says my subscription has expired....

This is FUCKED up or what???

Always Hidden

If I am not mistaken, I would say that most of us, male and/or female, keep secrets from those whom we know, work, or live simply because we do not want everyone to know all there is about us...  just in case that knowledge, somehow, ever was to be used against us...  let's say, in a court of law for example.

I am no exception...

It all started when I was in college the first time from 1966-68 and had been drinking in Greensboro and somehow ended up by myself walking down the main street that led to the interstate.  A car stopped and offered me a ride.  The man inside was on leave from the military.  As we drove down the highway, he put his hand on my thigh and told me he would like to have sex with me.

I froze...

And then, I got sick and he pulled over so that I could vomit on the side of the street.

Back in the car, I told him that if he would take me to my dorm that I would change clothes and come back down to the car.

He believed me.

I got into the dorm, went up to the top floor, down the hallway to the other end, down the stairs and out the door on the ground floor, running away from the dorm in some direction as fast as I could and never looked back.

I returned to my dorm at first light...  completely sober.

The next time, was in the 70's early 80's when I worked for a local arts council and had met a local dancer who used to dance for the NY City Ballet Company.  My wife and I were at his house for dinner with he and his wife.  The ladies were in the living room and we were in the kitchen and he asked me if we could be lovers.

He was gay and his wife was a lesbian and they were married because society frowned on anything else back then and they could be accepted in the community.

I told him that I was not interested.

I now look back on those two situations with REGRETS...

Second Week of Self Quarantine

Last week, President Trump announced a state of national emergency because of COVID19 and the rest of the US including where I live in East TN went into PANIC mode and started storing up on everything...  My wife and I typically have been buying in bulk for several years (for some reason) and so since we had just gone to our stores, we were in good shape, except for those items that do not have a long shelf-life.

Staying at home is basically what I have been doing for the last 5 years ever since I retired.  The only places that I leave the house for are doctor's appointments, to go on vacations, or to teach an evening class for King University.  Otherwise, I am at home doing something unproductive like writing or posting comments on social media.

I have several blogs but I have tended to forget them until recently...

There is no marriage when there is no respect...
Of course, respect is a two-way street and if one does not get respect then one does not give respect.
So, how long can a marriage last like that?
This one has lasted since 1993 or 27 years which to me seems rather unusual.
There is a sense of responsibility that keeps two people together rather than love and sometimes that responsibility, over time, leaves the two partners on opposite sides of the fence with very little in common.
Our way is probably typical...

Burning Bridges

At 72 years of age, I have had plenty of time and plenty of experience destroying friendships in an effort to test their sincerity and I am not really sure why I ever needed to test their sincerity in the first place but I did.  Perhaps, this is a carryover from how my parents raised and treated me...  perhaps not...  I guess I will never know and there really is no reason why I should know...  it just is what it is and to date, I literally have no friends except those friends that were my wife's friends first and accepted me as a friend because of our marriage; but, they are more her friends than they are mine.

Still, because of my actions, not only do I not have any friends but my brother and my sister really have no desire to spend anytime with me because of my "dark and mysterious" attitude, behaviors, and not totally sure what will come out of my mouth that will upset or offend them.

In addition to my family and friends, during my 45 years or work, I managed to get myself fired 10 times because of my mouth...  that averages out to getting fired about once every 4.5 years...  that ridiculous behavior resulted in me not having a retirement income from anyone other than Social Security and whatever I could manage to save.

Burning Bridges I suppose was stupid.