Still, this blog was more-or-less supposed to be an online confessional diary of sorts and sometimes my post reflect that but most of the time they don't, so I will try to do better... and, I am sure those who actually read this blog will not be bothered by it either.
At 73 years of age, I have managed to alienate my daughter, my sister, my brother, my friends if I actually had any, my wife, and before they both died my parents. At 68 years of age, my wife claims it is too old an age to get a divorce and if she were widowed, I am sure she might be singing a different tune. My sister, speaking on behalf of everyone has made the claim that I AM TOXIC and it is a claim that I cannot refute.
I claim to be a victim of my past and am the way I am because of the way my parents, siblings, and everyone treated me and not being a psychiatrist have no way of knowing if this is a valid claim or not, but if it is, then one could also make the case that I am in need of counseling since I cannot step out of the past and live in the future.
But, at 73 is counseling really worth it?
What's going to happen if I don't get counseling?
I will die bitter and alone... although, the bitter concept was just to add a little spice. I will die alone and how is that any different from the fact that I am alone already? And, when people die, they may have people around them, but their death is their own.
We all die alone.
No one dies for us.
When my mother died, she had people all around her bed and in her room... all her siblings and their spouses and for the last three days of her life, she was completely oblivious as to what was going on around her. It is doubtful if she really knew if any of us were around before those three days either due to her mental state.
We simply die alone.
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