Nine Twenty Darkness

On my screen in back porch I sit
chair up against the brick wall
table pulled in closed with my
Lenovo laptop sitting on glass
staring out into the darkness
at what I know to be there
but cannot see save the street
lamps blazing brightly beside
the homes on the other side
some of which have lights on
inside with the curtains pulled;
Panera's coffee cup sits beside
me full of decaf and two spoons
of Cappuccino Mix for me to
sip on before it cools down as
my Siamese visits me but leaves

again when my attention strays,
leaving me alone as before with
nothing but my thoughts of a
day that passed too quickly by
as they all do these days, and
me wanting to slow them down
so as to enjoy them more knowing
that enjoyment was fleeting for
a reason that only our Creator
knows but decided not to share;
a bowl of fake flowers sits in
front of me as it has every night
in which I have been out here,
thinking of what I need to say
and now I want to say it where
it has not been that way before,
and always realize that the way
I see and think never change
and what I see and think will
never change in my lifetime;
still, the darkness is enticing
as it has always been, even
when as I young boy, I used
to enjoy laying on the grass
on my back and looking up
at a dark summer sky, making
up stories about the stars and
where they all came from and

why I was the only one who
saw what I saw or thought
what I thought when all the
stars like people had different
points-of-view with which
we all had to contend or at
least this is way I thought
when I was so much younger;
but, tonight is a different night
as there are no stars in the sky
just a deep darkness that shields
the stars from my view and
limits what I think i see and
why I think I see it, knowing
that what I think will never be
proven as ever being true...

22 May 2020