It's Just A Journey... nothing more... nothing less...

I would suspect that for many people between the ages of 35-55, it is difficult to understand or have empathy for those of us who are retired and living with cancer on a fixed income with extreme uncertainty as to how long we will actually live... 

I know when I was between 35-55, I didn't give two shits about people like that nor did I ever suspect that something like that would ever happened to me, especially when I quit smoking and drinking alcohol at age 40 and began eating a healthy diet that supported my already in place strong and consistent exercise routine.

It is not just that, but other things, like:

• frequently experiencing ED
• realizing my eyesight was fading
• physically unable to do what I used to do
• realizing I was losing my hearing
• gradually becoming less active

I was 60 years old when the shit finally hit the fan and I realized that I had experience a severe heart attacking while exercising on the treadmill; in fact, it was so serious that the Cardiologist recommended a triple bypass.  I had 5 stints put in my heart arteries after cleaning them out over a period of 12 months and 3 operations and a year of rehab.

But, at that same time, I also discovered that I had non-Hodgkin's "B" Cell Lymphoma that would never leave my body and that I would be under treatment for the rest of my life...  and, while it was slow growing then, it should change to aggressive in the blink of an eye.

Everything changed for me...

• First of all, I realized I did not have to drive so fast everywhere I went
• I began to appreciate nature more and all its beauty
• I tried not to be so angry at me for all my failures
• I stopped blaming others for my poor decisions and lack of motivation

And, while I did not turn around and immediately start going back to Church on Sundays, I did begin a Spiritual Journey in part by using the Internet to do research on my religious understandings which actually served to strengthen on own religious beliefs but I still did not go to Church.

Life is what it is.

I turned out to be exactly what I was supposed to become.

My cancer journey was only part of my greater journey.

Whatever happens to me know was supposed to happen to me all along.

There is much left to do even though I do not know what it is.