I Walk Alone

 

I am no Buddhist Monk yet like a monk I continue to walk through life virtually alone...  even though I am married and live in a rural community...  

My brother, sister, and daughter want to have nothing to do with me (their choice but never shared) but that has nothing to do with my walking alone...

I have no friends after the two that were my friends died...  however, I still communicate with a classmate from high school but that has nothing to do with my walking alone...

My wife and I have different interests and therefore spend most of our time during the day in separate rooms exploring those interests but that has nothing to do with my walking alone...

Why I have been walking alone and will continue walking alone is the simple fact that it is my personality that puts me into that situation.

MBTI has me identified with a personality of INTJ...  and while I know that this designation is valid for me is because I have had the questionnaire professionally administered to me 4 times and there was a 10 year interval between each one and each time, my results were absolutely the same...  the results were always in the middle of the range.

INTJ (introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging) is one of the 16 personality types identified by a personality assessment called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Sometimes referred to as the "Architect" or the "Strategist," people with INTJ personalities are highly analytical, creative, and logical.  According to psychologist David Keirsey, developer of the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, approximately 1 to 4% of the population has an INTJ personality type.  INTJs are introverted and prefer to work alone.

It was strange to finally find out about yourself after wondering for several years why it was so difficult to make friends and if friends were made, then it was difficult to keep them.

If you add this personality type with the fact that I am probably BIPOLAR, then one has created the perfect storm of issues that make it difficult for me to find and keep friends...  especially once they get to know me.

My Siamese cat, Piper, does not care about my personality nor does he care about any medical issues that I may be encountering...  aside from his own weird personality, he seeks me out during the day for friendship and likes to lay on my lap whether I rub him or not.

Because of the way I see life, I will constantly be alone with my thoughts and feelings as no one really understands why I feel the way that I do so there is no empathy from them to receive.  I must give myself empathy just as I must give myself motivation and determination to accomplish that which I want to accomplish.

I no longer resent myself for having this type of personality even though I totally understand that I had nothing to do with it as it was just given to me through the combined DNA of both my parents.

Like everyone else, I am searching for my purpose and like everyone else I am not sure what I am supposed to accomplish.  However, unlike everyone else, I know that I am supposed to accomplish something and that this is why I am still alive...