Her - Why are you double-bagging all of your groceries?
Me - Excuse me?
Her - You are wasting our bags?
Me - If you don't like the way I'm bagging the groceries, feel free to come on over here and bag them yourself.
Her - That's not my job!
Me - Okay, then I will bag my groceries how I please if that's alright with you.
Her - Why are you using two bags?
Me - Because the bags are weak and I don't want the handles to break or the bottoms to rip out.
Her - Well, that's because you are putting too much stuff in the bag. If you took half of that stuff out and put it in a different bag then you wouldn't need to double bag.
(10 seconds of me just staring at her)
Me - So you want me to split these items in half and put half of them in a different bag so that I don't have to double bag.
Her - Exactly.
Me - So I would still be using two bags to hold the same number of items.
Her - No, because you wouldn't be double-bagging.
(Me pressing two fingers to my left eye in an attempt to make it stop twitching.)
Me - Okay. So here I have a jug of milk and a bottle of juice double-bagged. If I take the milk out and remove the double bagging and just put the milk in the single bag and the juice in that single bag, I'm still using two bags for these two items.
Her - No, because you are not double-bagging them so it's not the same number of bags.
(Me looking around at about 10 other customers who at this point are enjoying the show.)
Me - Is this like that Common Core math stuff I keep hearing about?
Her - Never mind. You just don't get it.
And with that she went back to her little podium so she could continue texting or playing games on her phone or whatever it was she was doing before she decided to come over and critique my bagging skills.
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My husband and I went through the McDonald's drive thru window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'You gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25 cents, and said 'We're sorry but we don't do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Tip: Do not confuse the people at McD's.
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We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower'.
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since.
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I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
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IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce
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I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
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The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?'
She is a government employee
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When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
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Public education at it's best
STAY ALERT! They walk among us...
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