Visiting the Cemetery

Today...  my wife and I drove up to the cemetery where her son from a previous marriage is buried and I sat in the car while she walked the short distance by herself to put new flowers in the holder by his grave stone.  Before she left the car her comment to me was, "I don't guess you are going since he's not your son...  ya know, by not going you are disrespecting my son..."

I just sat there in the driver's seat and did not say a word, nor did I say a word during the ride back to our house...   but, while I did not say a word, I continued to think about what she said and reminded myself that when we went to visit her mother's grave site, I did not get out of the car...  and, she never said a word to me about it...  and, I have not visited the grave sites of my parents after their deaths even though we have been to that area several times to visit my sister.

This has nothing to do with her son...  I believe that she is finding one reason after another to find fault with me or criticize me to lay the foundation for divorce or for her to have an affair both of which I wish would happen so we can finally be done with this marriage.  Ironically, our marriage turned SOUR almost immediately after she retired about 3 years ago...   which says to me that we don't have enough in common for us to spend all this time together...  it was easier to tolerate each other when one or both of us was working.

Sadly...  and, this is looking back on 22 years of marriage (27 years of living together), we should have never gotten married in the first place...

Ending or Beginning?

For some, this may be a stupid question but does Sunday represent the beginning of the new week or the ending of the old week?

I guess my Bible training leads me to believe that it is the ending of the week because God made the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th day, giving me the impression that Sunday is the end of the week...

Yet, most if not all calendars have Sunday as the beginning of the week with Saturday ending the week...  of course that could just be to separate the two "S" days from each other.

WHY EVEN WORRY ABOUT THIS SHIT, YOU MIGHT BE THINKING RIGHT NOW?
And, that is a valid question...
But...  for me, it is still of concern because some of life's details influence the way I think and how the week begins is important, especially since the work week begins with Monday.

Monday begins...

Sunday ends...

CLEVER

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BOOGIE DOWN

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Isn't It Weird?

Here I am sitting in a lounger in my living room waiting for my wife to finish what she is doing so that we can continue watching DCI Banks on HULU and I am thinking about how the people with lots more money than I do are living during the COVID-19 Stay at Home Orders.  I am retired, living on a fixed income and each day when I wake up, I have several cups of coffee, write stuff on my blogs, have breakfast, exercise, and maybe do a little work outside, eat lunch, write stuff on my blogs, eat dinner, then watch some kind of series on the TV.  Sometimes, I leave the house for doctor's appointments or chemo treatments and sometimes we get takeout for dinner, but that is basically it.

How are the celebrities living during COVID-19 in their multi-million dollar mansions and their private jets that can fly them anywhere in the world?

These celebrities probably have cooks to prepare their meals or maybe all their meals are takeout and if they are can you imagine their food bill each month?

Do these celebrities have heated swimming pools some of which may be enclosed inside a protective all glass shelter?

Do these celebrities have ranches with horse that they can ride all around their 200-300 acre property or maybe 2000 -3000 acre property?

Do these celebrities worry about the bills that need to be paid at the end of the month since they are not working...   I guess not, because they are living off their interest...  hell, their monthly interest is probably more than the average American earns in a year.

I suppose that 10% of the American Population is financially WELL OFF, leaving 90% of the population TERRIFIED because the longer they remain out of work, the greater the risk that they will have to file bankruptcy or more out of their home or get their vehicle repossessed.

These 10% people are experiencing COVID-19 much differently than the rest of us are experiencing it...   I guaran-damn-tee you...

Mending the Deck

There are 20 - 8 foot sections of railings that surround the deck in my backyard which surrounds an above ground pool, a gazebo, and a hot tub.  There is a flat piece of decking screwed in on top of each of the sections and I am in the process of replacing those top pieces.  Our deck is over 10 years old as is our above ground pool and hot tub and for all intents and purposes, all of it has lasted longer than I thought it would.  We stain the deck every 3 years so I suppose that is why it has lasted as long as it has.  While all those top boards do not need replacing, I am replace them all anyway so it will look the same when it comes to staining them next spring...  it is best to let wood weather for a year before staining it, we've been told so that is what we do.

This is not hard work other than moving the wood from one location to another...  I unscrew the old boards which so far has  proven not to very difficult at all.  Then, I lay the old board on the new board, draw a line at both ends if there is an angle, then I cut.  The new cut board is taken to where the old one was removed and screwed into the post at both ends to prevent warping due to temperature fluctuations and rain.

After the railing is done, there are 2-3 boards on the floor of the deck that need replacing but that is it and fairly amazing since the deck, as mentioned before, is over 10 years old.

EASY RIDER

1969 was the year and it was an important year for me in many ways because a few months before I had left college (end of Fall Semester 1968), enlisted in the USNR, gotten married, and was working a year before I had to report for active duty...

I was living in Burlington, NC and working for a company called Carolina Biological Supply Company (CBS) owned by the Powell's...  paying a little above minimum wage, they were one of the largest employers in the area...

My wife and I were living in a two-story wooden house that we ironically rented from CBS but if something went amiss, CBS would fix it immediately.  The rent we paid was consistent with renting a two bedroom house or a 1 bedroom apartment...  yet, we had three times that amount of space.  There was a huge open area on the second floor that I used as my art studio since I like to do oil painting and photography and it was there that I hung this exact same poster.

HULU

My wife and I decided to try a free 30 day subscription to HULU last week and while she is watching a sub titled comedy from South Korea, I am watching the X-FILES with Agents Scully and Mulder...  There are eight seasons of the show, so obviously I started with Season 1, Episode 1 and amazed myself because I do not remember any of those shows...  when it first started out, the shows focused on weird things happening and not totally on UFO's and alien visitors...  which I would not have thought or believed if I had not seen these episodes for myself.



My wife and I like watching BBC Detective Shows and have watched many on NETFLIX before started enjoying DCI BANKS on HULU.  I am not sure why, but I prefer watching BBC Detective Shows rather than American Detective Shows...  I suppose because they seem more realistic in that they do not always work out where good triumphs over evil which to me is more real life.  However, the accents sometimes are hard to understand and we are constantly asking each other what they said.  Their slang terms are different than ours as well like flat for house and lockup for storage building.

Nine Twenty Darkness

On my screen in back porch I sit
chair up against the brick wall
table pulled in closed with my
Lenovo laptop sitting on glass
staring out into the darkness
at what I know to be there
but cannot see save the street
lamps blazing brightly beside
the homes on the other side
some of which have lights on
inside with the curtains pulled;
Panera's coffee cup sits beside
me full of decaf and two spoons
of Cappuccino Mix for me to
sip on before it cools down as
my Siamese visits me but leaves

again when my attention strays,
leaving me alone as before with
nothing but my thoughts of a
day that passed too quickly by
as they all do these days, and
me wanting to slow them down
so as to enjoy them more knowing
that enjoyment was fleeting for
a reason that only our Creator
knows but decided not to share;
a bowl of fake flowers sits in
front of me as it has every night
in which I have been out here,
thinking of what I need to say
and now I want to say it where
it has not been that way before,
and always realize that the way
I see and think never change
and what I see and think will
never change in my lifetime;
still, the darkness is enticing
as it has always been, even
when as I young boy, I used
to enjoy laying on the grass
on my back and looking up
at a dark summer sky, making
up stories about the stars and
where they all came from and

why I was the only one who
saw what I saw or thought
what I thought when all the
stars like people had different
points-of-view with which
we all had to contend or at
least this is way I thought
when I was so much younger;
but, tonight is a different night
as there are no stars in the sky
just a deep darkness that shields
the stars from my view and
limits what I think i see and
why I think I see it, knowing
that what I think will never be
proven as ever being true...

22 May 2020

What Is The Good Life?

One definition of GOOD is "to be desired of..."  So, our question changes a little in that is should read:  What is the desired life?

Obviously, this is different for each one of us in that what is desired by one is more than like not desired by another.









Some may want to be:

• wealthy,  
• powerful, 
• respected, 
• faithful, 
• happy, others not or don't care and if they don't really care then do they care about something else or just don't see that option as being that important?

I suppose that many of us see the GOOD LIFE as being gifted with the kind of life where everything just seems to fall in place...  like,

• finding the perfect spouse
• working at the perfect company
• having the perfect boss
• raising perfect children
• having perfect health...   but many us aren't that lucky if being lucky is the right phrase to use here because some of us believe that there is not such thing as having good luck that it is often because people are just better prepared than other people.  And, I suppose that there is some truth to that, but I just can't help but think that luck does favor some people.

Experiencing the GOOD LIFE is also going to change with age and maturity and education and experience since all of those do in fact impact one's life and the potential luck that is associated with one's life.

Personally, I perceived the GOOD LIFE differently at age 25 than I did at 40 and differently again at age 60 and differently again at my present age of 72 because at this age, all I really care about is:

1. being able to pay my bills
2. waking up again the next morning
3. having a bowel movement
4. not feeling fatigued
5. having the desire to write
6. having unassisted mobility

Working From Home

WORKING FROM HOME...  is the future...

Benefits:
Companies can downsize office space - saving money
Companies can attract a larger labor pool of workers
Employees at home can deduct on taxes office space
Employees at home can save money on gas and lunch
Employees at home will not spend as much money on clothes
Employees at home can work and do other chores
City pollution from gas emissions is reduced                                     

Negatives:                                                                                 
Companies will have less control over employees
Companies will have less social interaction
Companies may experience less productivity
Employees at home could become more depressed
Employees at home could become less competitive
Employees at home could need more supervision

At some point-in-time, companies and governments will not have the money to keep paying their employees the way they are paying them today.  EXPENSES will need to be reduced...

AI/Robots will help reduce expenses

Employees working at home will help reduce expenses

Reducing benefits will help reduce expenses

Not providing a retirement package will help reduce expense

LOSING OUR GLOBAL INFLUENCE AND DOMINANCE

The USA is losing its influence over the rest of the world as countries like China, Russia, North Korea, and several countries in the Middle East begin to flex their muscles AGAINST US...  Individually, they are no match for the USA but collectively they pose a HUGE ECONOMIC AND MILITARY THREAT...

Since we, the USA, have our hands full dealing with this Pandemic, these COMMUNIST COUNTRIES are taking advantage of our absence.

Is America tired of fighting wars all over to world to maintain our dominance...  and keep Communism from creeping into some of the weaker countries and taking control...

This is a modern day GOOD VERSUS EVIL.

It's Just A Journey... nothing more... nothing less...

I would suspect that for many people between the ages of 35-55, it is difficult to understand or have empathy for those of us who are retired and living with cancer on a fixed income with extreme uncertainty as to how long we will actually live... 

I know when I was between 35-55, I didn't give two shits about people like that nor did I ever suspect that something like that would ever happened to me, especially when I quit smoking and drinking alcohol at age 40 and began eating a healthy diet that supported my already in place strong and consistent exercise routine.

It is not just that, but other things, like:

• frequently experiencing ED
• realizing my eyesight was fading
• physically unable to do what I used to do
• realizing I was losing my hearing
• gradually becoming less active

I was 60 years old when the shit finally hit the fan and I realized that I had experience a severe heart attacking while exercising on the treadmill; in fact, it was so serious that the Cardiologist recommended a triple bypass.  I had 5 stints put in my heart arteries after cleaning them out over a period of 12 months and 3 operations and a year of rehab.

But, at that same time, I also discovered that I had non-Hodgkin's "B" Cell Lymphoma that would never leave my body and that I would be under treatment for the rest of my life...  and, while it was slow growing then, it should change to aggressive in the blink of an eye.

Everything changed for me...

• First of all, I realized I did not have to drive so fast everywhere I went
• I began to appreciate nature more and all its beauty
• I tried not to be so angry at me for all my failures
• I stopped blaming others for my poor decisions and lack of motivation

And, while I did not turn around and immediately start going back to Church on Sundays, I did begin a Spiritual Journey in part by using the Internet to do research on my religious understandings which actually served to strengthen on own religious beliefs but I still did not go to Church.

Life is what it is.

I turned out to be exactly what I was supposed to become.

My cancer journey was only part of my greater journey.

Whatever happens to me know was supposed to happen to me all along.

There is much left to do even though I do not know what it is.

Staying At Home

My wife and I have basically stayed at home since he middle of February or for about 3 months (90 days) so far...  with the except of necessary doctor appointments or chemo treatments...  and, with the understanding that if we need something from the store, my wife who has a stronger immune system than me, is the one who does the shopping which she really care to do as it gets her out-of-the-house.  She is somewhat annoyed by the quarantine at home whereas it bothers me not at all.

So, what do I do on these days that I stay at home?

1. Drink coffee and write in the mornings
2. Maintain my blogs
3. Exercise for an hour
4. Work outside on the yard, pool, deck
5. Cook 'idea of the moment" meals
6. Watch shows on Netflix and Hulu
7. Listen to Audible Books
8. Soak in the hot tub

I have read articles recently that many people have gained weight because of the Stay At Home Orders because they are bored...  and, that many people have consumed more alcohol than they normally do as well...  and, have taken more drugs to offset the boredom.

In a way, I feel sorry for these people because they lack self-respect, self-confidence, self-determination and lack the ability to take responsibility for their actions...

My first question is:  

Do you really want these people as your employees?

My second question is:  

Do you really want to be married to these kinds of people?

Unfortunately, this crisis is not really going away until we find a vaccine...

In Between Doctor Appointments

After my chemo treatment this morning, my wife and I stopped by Panera Bread for a couple of heated bagels and coffee on our way to her doctor's appointment for her back.  Since our two appointments were only an hour apart, we decided to ride together.  She had an apple cinnamon crunch bagel with her soft drink and I had an Asiago cheese bagel with my Cappuccino...

While the guests were not required to wear face masks inside as was the case in other stores, all the workers wore face masks and all the orders were still take out only.  We start in the car in the parking lot and ate our bagels.

What I find most interesting here is that Panera Bread has a coffee club where for $8.99/month you can have unlimited regular or decaf coffee (but no specialty coffee)...  Hell, I could drink $9 worth of coffee over the weekend.  If it was not so far from the house (45 minutes) I would have joined today.

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CHOICES

As members of the Human Race and whether we are Christian or not, and whether or not we have any spiritual beliefs in any religion or in an philosophy, we all believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that we all have FREE WILL and that we are empowered to make our own choices even if we refuse to take responsibility for those choices and instead try to blame someone else...

CHOICES...

We all makes choices...

Sometimes, we make good choices...

Sometimes, we make bad choices...

But, we all possess the FREE WILL to make CHOICES.

Throughout my entire life, my choices which at the time they were made were arrived at through careful analysis of the situation based upon the knowledge available to me at the time and were infused with all sorts of preconceived ideas that were in my head (right or wrong) based upon how I had previously responded to circumstances in which I had been confronted.

1. My choice to go to College
2. My choice to leave College
3. My choice to get married
4. My choice to enlist in the US Navy
5. My choice to return to College
6. My choice to accept work with a variety of employers
7. My choice to relocate from NC to TN
8. My choice to get a divorce
9. My choice to get remarried
10. My choice to pay off debts and save money
11. My choice to work as a consultant on the side
12. My choice to retire

My life simplified into 12 choices...

As a result of these choices,

• I live in a modest home
• I have a modest retirement income
• I drive an inexpensive car
• I only fly economy class
• I have inexpensive vacations
• I wear inexpensive clothes
• I have very few friends

BUT...  these are MY CHOICES and I accept the RESPONSIBILITY for my choices and while I may dream/wish for more, I accept that this will never happen because of all the choices I have made.  People that are my friends either accept me for the choices I made or they do not, and if they do not then they are no longer my friends...

When I die, I will leave very little financial wealth behind me...  however, there will be sufficient funds to pay all the experiences for my wife until the age of 97 where when she dies she will leave very little financial wealth behind her...

Perhaps, she could have done better...  but, she also made the choice to accept only that which she had with me...  she then, is responsible for the choices she made...  right or wrong...  good or bad.

While this may seem like a foolish idea about which to write and share, it is a FACT OF LIFE that one day, you will be faced with the fact that you will have to accept the choices that you have made...  

ALL OF US WILL ONE DAY BE CONFRONTED WITH THIS REALITY...

What's Up Yawl?

FIRST TIME...

TODAY, was the first time that my wife and I had been inside a restaurant to eat since  February which have been about 3 months ago, give or take but have purchased numerous"take out" orders, but for some reason, "take out" orders do not seem to taste as good and eating the same food inside the restaurant. 


Of course, there is no scientific proof to support this claim...  LOL...



While we have many favorite restaurants in this area which includes Morristown, TN to Knoxville, TN, the one that we attend more often than not is PERKINS...  and, while my wife orders a variety of different meals, I always order the same meal over and over and over again, which is:  THE EVERYTHING OMELETTE WITH PANCAKE AND BREAKFAST POTATOES...


 typically, I will eat half the omelette and half the breakfast potatoes, taking home the other half as well as the 3 pancakes that are served with the meal to eat on the next 4 subsequent mornings...  I don't do this to save money although money is saved, I do this so I do not OVEREAT during any one meal.


It felt really good to go out to a restaurant and eat inside.  All the restaurant workers wore face masks and plastic gloves.  Every other table or booth was left vacant.  The paper menu were thrown away and each table, we observed while waiting for our food, was THOROUGHLY sanitized after whoever was eating there left.


We felt very safe!!!