Everyday Actions

With decaf coffee with 1 tablespoon of sugar free Cappuccino mix in hand, I sit on my side of the couch and watch FOX News until about 10:00 am...  give or take.

Why my side of the couch?
Because, that is where a table and lamp is located...  my wife uses the other table and lamp.

Why FOX News?
Because, it appears to be the least unbiased media outlet.

In the 60's, I was a solid Kennedy Democrat...  HOWEVER, the Democratic Party has changed for the worst and not only has become too liberal, but is rapidly moving towards Socialism.

Why too liberal?
I am against late term abortions
I am against open borders
I am against labor unions
I am against free college education
I am against free healthcare
I am against a weak military
I am against a large government
I am against forcing the wealthy to pay for it all

Businesses and Corporation are at fault here as well.
Greed has been their sole motivation it appears and it seems to be getting worse instead of getting better.  Instead of living with a 5-10% profit margin, companies are now seeking a 20% profit margin while eliminating expenses by 20% which ultimately could influence quality and while increasing sales/revenues by 20%.

It's the 20%-20%-20% Golden Triangle of operation!
This is being taught in our Business Schools...  and, it a greedy concept at best.

WHO LOSES with the business approach?
The American Worker loses...

So, as far as the Democrats are concerned, I agree with them...  Businesses should be stopped and these high wages that are being paid to CEO's should be stopped...  when they back off, Democrats will be forced to back off.

Until then, Democrats have their heads up their asses...        

Staying at home...

One would think that staying at home would be easy... but, after being retired for 5 years, staying at home can and often does fall into the category of boring.

Why is that?
                                                                                             

Well, for me...  the answer is easy and simple...

I don't have a hobby.

Sure, I like to write, but writing can only last so often during the day...  once I have written for 4-6 hours for 5-6 days, I don't much feel like writing the next day.  When I was writing my novels, I would get so caught up in the writing of it, that I would forget all about time...  the only thing that was on my mind was the STORY...  the story...  the story.

For some reason, I decided I was not a good novelist, so I just stopped right in the middle of my third novel...  QUIT...  no more...  done.

What else could I do to pass the time?

1. Exercise
2. Work in the yard
3. Clean the house
4. Read a novel
5. Watch TV/movie
6. Go for a walk
7. Return to oil painting
8. Return to photography
9. Take up carving
10. Take up coin collecting
11. Surf the web
12. Doodle

Everything kinda leads me back to writing...  PISSER!!!

I enjoy cooking stuff but I don't know how to cook in small portions and we don't have the refrigerator space for a bunch of plastic cartons.  Plus, right now with the panic buying that is going on, there is not much food available in our grocery stores.

I could VOLUNTEER and Tennessee is known as the Volunteer State, but I suspect that even volunteers have to schedule a specific time and day(s) of the week and I don't much like the idea of having to be somewhere day-after-day or week-after-week.

This is not the first time that I have thought about what to do with my time now that I am retired and cannot travel all the time and it probably will not be the last...

Benefits of Journaling

Writing

Since 1972, I have been writing "something" daily which could be poetry, articles, journal entries of personal thoughts and feelings, and/or novels.  I have written 2 novels and 1/2 of a third novel then decided out of the blue that perhaps my writing was not worth reading and stopped...   just like that...
Yet, I continue to write comments on blogs...   why?  Are these comments not the same type of quality writing that one might expect from someone writing a novel...  perhaps or perhaps not...  how do one qualify the quality of one's writing?  Outside of one's self that is?

FEELINGS
How important are one's feelings and thoughts that are shared with anyone who wants to read them...  and, why would anyone want to do that in the first place?

I don't give a shit about what you think of me and my writing, so why should you give a shit about what I have to say?

Still, I am compelled to write regardless of if anyone read this stuff or not.

If I were "BI" or "GAY" would you be more interested in what I had to write?  Or, perhaps, you might be interested if I described my encounter with a "shemale" when I was in the Navy and we were visiting the port of Barcelona?  This was back in 1971...  did you realize that "shemales" were around in droves back then?

As I recall, she was beautiful and at first glance I thought she was just another prostitute hustling...  then, as I got closer she spoke to me in a deep male voice wanting to know how horney I was...

There was a group of us sailors walking around the city at night drinking and I was the only virgin in the group when it came to something like this and when my face turned red and I did not know what to say, they all laughed...  I told them to come back for me in a couple of hours...

How many people do you think I have shared that story with?

Wondering

WONDER means:  a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable...

Have you ever wondered?

I wonder all the time...

Why is our universe still expanding?
What is our universe expanding into?
Are we the only species in the universe?
Was Jesus the first alien to visit earth?

There is some form of truth with religion in that the Roman historian Josephus documented that a man named Jesus did live during the time that the Bible claims that he lived on earth and that this man was, in fact, crucified...

Interesting...  right?

Jesus told Pontius Pilate that "...my kingdom is not of this world..."

So, what does that phrase really mean?

Could it mean another planet 

or,

Could it mean another dimension?

And, if Jesus was wrong another dimension and appeared in our dimension then he was capable of interdimensional travel and probably time travel as well.

So, 
what is it about TIME that we find so alluring and enticing?

It is believed that TIME only moves forward...  and if, that is the case then what happens to the TIME that is left behind?

Does that time disappear or remain?

If it remains, into what is it remaining since we are always living in the present time?

And so,
these are the kinds of things about which I wonder...

There really is no definitive answers here...
only speculations...
conjectures...
guesses...

This is what I wonder about on days like today where it is raining and nothing can be done outside and I am too damn lazy to do anything inside.

EROTICA

RAIN... Rain... rain...

There is a sense that I am floating away in one of my fantasy dreams before I fall asleep, on a raft in a raging river like Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer, carelessly but intentionally trying to escape the realities of a brutal life before the Northern Carpetbagger brought civilization to the South...  or, at least it was like that in my fantasy dream...

These fantasy dreams are not a ONE OFF as some of you might have surmised but they tend to be my mode of operation every night before I fall asleep...  to create a fantasy life, different from the one in which I currently live, but one that is rich with activities that will never see the light of day for me outside of the fantasy which swirls around inside my head each night.

It is the attention to the details that finally puts me to sleep...  I am not sure if I have bored myself or just drifted off because of the tediousness of the task.  In either event, the details are never completed within the context of the storyline; and yet, it is the storyline that is relived each and every night as if it never had taken place the night before.  It changes only after I have become bored and need a new fantasy.

Being retired for 5 years now, most of my time is already being spent inside the house, so social distancing is not a problem for me.

Right now, my wife does most if not all of the shopping so I do not have to come into contact with the public due to my low if not non-existent immune system as a result of fighting two cancers for over 12 years.

We had already been buying some supplies in bulk from SAMS so we already had a 90 day supply of toilet paper, paper towels, coffee and some frozen foods.  We also had just recently purchase meat from OMAMHA STEAKS giving us enough food for over 30 days as well, if not longer if you substitute beans for meat.

As far as entertainment inside the home, we have cable and ROKU which gives us plenty of access to a variety of shows and movies, some of which we do not care for but watch anyway to pass the time.  We also spend time reading and working on project both inside and outside of the house.  Fortunately, we live in a community where our neighbors ever since we moved in twenty years ago, seldom venture out of their homes during the summer months, and typically have a third party maintain the yard outside.

Next week, I have to drive to the hospital in Knoxville to have my monthly chemo infusion and I plan to wear a facemask while there, but I will simply go there and return with no side trips except maybe the drive-thru at McD's for some coffee...  they have always had good coffee but maybe not as good as Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts but still good enough for me.

Being alone and isolated is what I do best...

DON'T FORGET

One Day Ago

Saturday

We were able to cancel our condo rental at Destin, Florida without any hassle at all which was really amazing given the fact that the contract says that under no circumstances will money be refunded...  looks like COVID-19 has changed their minds this time...

SOCIAL DISTANCING is what the media is calling this...  staying away from each other as often as we can...  staying inside as often as we can...

I have only been once so far and that was for gasoline and I wore gloves while pumping the gas but next week, I have to go to Knoxville for my monthly OPDIVO infusion which, to some degree bothers me because people around here have NO FEARS of catching the disease which is rather stupid if you ask me...  but, this area only has about half a dozen cases so far and people are just not worried or don't want to appear as if they are worried like the rest of the country.

It is during times like these that I get amused by all the Christian who claim they believe in God's will being done here on earth, but do not want to die in the process of implementing God's will, so when it comes down to it, they are Christians only IN THEORY as one might say...  when it is convenient for them to be...  yet, make the claim that they cannot wait until they are called to heaven...  as long as it is not prematurely...  lol

We all will DIE...  that is a fact of life...
Death is final for our bodies but not our souls...
But, it is our bodies to which we cling the most...
May GOD forgive us all...

A look back...

This caricature of me was created by a local NC artist in 1977...  and, was done to be used as my logo whenever I wrote articles for the local newspaper which I did for 8 years and this drawing was used about once or twice as I recall...  I wrote a monthly column on the "ARTS".

Japanese YOKAI

WILL WARD OFF DISEASES...

French Nude 1920's

Did China intentionally release the COVID19 virus with the hopes of it slowing down the US economy and was China working with any wealthy people in the US so that they could also benefit from this virus because of their connection with testing facilities?

I am sure that Hollywood will soon make a movie out of all of this to capitalize on our stupidity...

How will you handle the impact on our economy?

Are you working or retired?

Do you rely on your investments for your income?

Are members of your family sick?

Personally, because of my non-existent immune system these days, I must be very careful even though there are not many cases of people testing positive for COVID19 in East TN.

Just as the branch falls into the water so too does my life fall into the pond of old age as I sense my physical strength leaving, my eyesight failing, and my endurance cut short in all tasks...

"I am cleaning up the mess that you made several years ago," was the phrase my wife used yesterday when I asked her what she was doing on the porch...  I started to ask her why she had waiting so long to fix it, but I decided not to stir the pot anymore than it already was.

These are the kinds of comments I hear from her all the time these days, leaving me to wonder why the hell she still remains in the marriage.

"I should have left him years ago," was a phrase she said to a male friend at church after he told her my comment in the elevator as to I did not know how she was...  The man and his wife were with me in the elevator going up to the 4th floor of the cancer building and the first thing out of his mouth was, "how's your wife?"  So, I said, I did not know...   So, he reported my comment to her the next time he saw her at church...

Not the kind of statement, a female should make to another male.

TYPICAL AMERICANS

Americans used to be respected all over the world because of our standard of living, our quality of life, our freedoms, and our motivations to pursue happiness...   BUT, that is not the case anymore...  why?

We have become arrogant, self-centered, egotistical, and believe that we are better than the rest of the world because of where we live...

This attitude does not necessarily pertain to the wealthy...  it is simply how most of us feel...

Then, we have a group of liberals on one side and a group of conservatives on the other side, both represented by wealthy people who believe their ideas are better than the other side's ideas...  So, we fight each other and have been fighting each other for decades accomplishing nothing.

When something terrible happens to this country like COVID 19, we become extremely selfish thinking only about ourselves and our immediate families.  We collect as much as we can and store so that our family is taken care of and do not care what happens to the rest of the people.

As it turns out, this is who we really are...

Hump Day

COVID19 is spreading throughout the US and especially in our major cities like NYC and my wife and I wonder that maybe we should go nowhere without a face mask.  The other major concern for us is the Trust Fund from which we get our monthly income...  as the stock market goes down, it goes down and we may only have those funds for another 5 years instead of 10 years that we had anticipated under normal circumstances.

Our vacations overseas and possibly on cruise ships is probably over leaving us vacationing in Florida or South Carolina instead of going anywhere else...  and, to be quite honest with myself, I really don't want to go anywhere anyway.  Our last overseas trip to Paris and London was a bust except for the train ride we took to Geneva.

I have a list of projects that I need to tackle once the weather stays warm because these tasks are basically to be completed outside and involves rearranging storage areas for better access and storage.

I have suspended writing my third novel because I do not feel confident with my ability to write and while I should write anyway, I have lost my desire...

At 72, I have two decades left more or less and I need to find something to keep me busy otherwise I will continue to fall deeper into my temporary depression which could become permanent.

Life is a bitch.

Another thought

Today, my MS Office subscription expired, so I called the online office and told them that I had a free version of Office365 through King University and I did not need to renew my subscription.  The CSR I spoke said he saw all that and would take care of it, now my excel spreadsheet says my subscription has expired....

This is FUCKED up or what???

Always Hidden

If I am not mistaken, I would say that most of us, male and/or female, keep secrets from those whom we know, work, or live simply because we do not want everyone to know all there is about us...  just in case that knowledge, somehow, ever was to be used against us...  let's say, in a court of law for example.

I am no exception...

It all started when I was in college the first time from 1966-68 and had been drinking in Greensboro and somehow ended up by myself walking down the main street that led to the interstate.  A car stopped and offered me a ride.  The man inside was on leave from the military.  As we drove down the highway, he put his hand on my thigh and told me he would like to have sex with me.

I froze...

And then, I got sick and he pulled over so that I could vomit on the side of the street.

Back in the car, I told him that if he would take me to my dorm that I would change clothes and come back down to the car.

He believed me.

I got into the dorm, went up to the top floor, down the hallway to the other end, down the stairs and out the door on the ground floor, running away from the dorm in some direction as fast as I could and never looked back.

I returned to my dorm at first light...  completely sober.

The next time, was in the 70's early 80's when I worked for a local arts council and had met a local dancer who used to dance for the NY City Ballet Company.  My wife and I were at his house for dinner with he and his wife.  The ladies were in the living room and we were in the kitchen and he asked me if we could be lovers.

He was gay and his wife was a lesbian and they were married because society frowned on anything else back then and they could be accepted in the community.

I told him that I was not interested.

I now look back on those two situations with REGRETS...