Married But Alone

In 1990 (30 years ago), I relocated from the Piedmont of NC to the TN Valley of East TN and in so doing forfeited my network of support in NC...  and, over the last 30 years, my personality, behavior, and comments have prevented me from developing a network of support here in TN, virtually leaving me with no one but my wife for support.  However, that lone support has not really been there because my wife recently told me as well as others (at Church) that she should have left me years ago...  yet, she has remained so one can just imagine how much support I get there.  Recently, she has been forced to take care of me which I can just imagine all the negative thoughts that are going through her mind as she blames me for what she has to do FOR ME.

Compounding what is going on with me and around me in East TN, is the fact that my younger brother never reaches out to me to see how I am doing; my daughter (from a previous marriage) never reaches out to me to see how I am doing, and my sister has made it clear that she no longer wants to communicate with me.

Like Jimmy Buffet said in one of his songs, "Yes, it is my fault..."  And, while that is true for me, once that sentiment has been set into motion, NO ONE on the other side is ever willing to believe that things might one day be different...  so, nothing changes and nothing will ever change to repair those feelings and actions.

Once these people STOP dealing with you, they will NEVER make an attempt to see if they should change their behavior and/or actions.

THEREFORE, I must live with this situation (that I alone created) for the rest of my life...   which in my situation may not be that long because of my age and because old folks die quicker when they are not immersed inside a network of support with family and friends.

I doubt if too many people want to end their lives like this....