A New Perspective

On July 12, 2020 my wife took me to the  ER at UTMC in Knoxville because my UTI meds (that a clinic had prescribed) were not working and I was maintaining a temperature of 103 degrees.  Once inside the exam room of the ER (I was later told) my blood pressure was 79/59, I was in sepsis experiencing afib, heart and kidney failure due to a blood infection. and had my body not responded the way it did, I probably would have died.  I had 3 IVs in my arms and hands and one of the ER nurses was squeezing a bag trying to get the fluids into me as quick as she could.  One doctor put in a central line thinking that I had COVID and there were about 6 altogether hovering over me talking to each other while simultaneously trying to make me feel better.

From my perspective lying on my back looking up, I could figure out what the problem was because I did not feel as bad as they were saying I should feel as they reassured me all would be well.  On the other side of the coin, I was not scared or fearful just had concern because I was not being told anything.  Much much later that day, I was transferred to ICU and still in the dark as to my situation, only being told that I was not going home tonight and probably not for the next several days.  UNCERTAINTY was rolling around in my head especially since I had not seen my wife for 2 days.

Late in the afternoon of July 17, 2020, I was discharged from the Cardiac Wing of the UTMC Hospital and asked my wife once we left the hospital's campus to stop at the closest Weigel's and get me a large FAT FREE French Vanilla Cappuccino for $1.89 and as we continued the ride home began to reflect upon what had just happened to me and why I was not feeling any better, knowing I was finally on my way home.  

As part of my discharge agreement, a PICC line was inserted in my upper left arm above the elbow and my wife was to give me IV Antibiotics until August 11, 2020 or for another 25 days...  these antibiotics were to be administered every 8 hours.

TODAY...  I can feel my body getting better as it adjusts to the antibiotics and its recovery from being in the hospital.  I was told that it takes 3 days for every 1 day in the hospital to get back to some sort of normalcy with my body.  For me, that would be 18 days, and today marks 17 days.

BTW, my blood infection that was throughout my entire body was a STAPH infection that could have been caused by me scratching a bug bite.

Needless to say, I do not want to repeat any of what I just went through, but more than that is the fact that I want to convince myself that I am closer to death than I am to being 40 years of age and while there is nothing wrong with trying to feel young, I must understand that I am not young and because I am fighting two different kinds of cancers (Lymphoma and Melanoma) that I should TAKE ADVANTAGE of each day that I have been given.

I don't necessarily mean take advantage in the sense of being productive but take advantage in the sense of understanding the beauty of life and not let the media cloud that appreciation because of the turmoil going on in this country.

I am sitting inside my screened-in back porch and I am listening to the rain fall.  

I am listening to the birds sing. 

I am watching a hummingbird drink from a feeder. 

I am noticing how green the grass is and not how bad it looks because I mowed it too wet.  

I am imaging a blue sky behind the clouds.  

I am noticing the symmetrical shape of trees.   

I am listening to the silence.

There is no charge for what I am doing.  This part of life is FREE and for the most part completed unappreciated...  and, if it takes a near death experience to understand, the SOBEIT.