Cannot Sleep

After 28 straight days of getting antibiotics infused into my body three times a day, my body was loaded down with fatigue making it easy for me to take a nap in the afternoon for a couple of hours and easily go back to sleep at 7 pm only to be awakened at 11 pm for an infusion but by 11:45 pm I was fast asleep again...  it was easy...

It has been over a week since I stopped receiving antibiotic infusions and gradually my fatigue has slip slid away and as that takes place my ability to fall asleep quickly has also gradually stopped.  Tonight, I spent some time in the hot tub to relax me for sleep since I had not been able to use it for over a month, but instead of putting me to sleep, I am wide awake, feeling like I need no sleep at all for the moment.

What better to do with my sleeplessness than to get on my JOURNAL BLOG and write about it...  I had wanted to write about the DNC but I just don't have the energy to face that bullshit right now...  who knows about anything...  especially politicians?

It would appear that the only person who really cares about me is me and my wife...  at least, those are the only two on which I can count...

Look out for yourselves.
Don't expect the Government to look after you because they will let you down.
Governments only care about what's good for them, not the governed.

Do You Ever Dream?

I am not talking about daydreaming to avoid paying attention in class or to the speaker at a convention, or to the boss at a staff meeting or to avoid listening to a spouse barking out orders for you to do that day...  this is the daydreaming that takes place when one is lying in bed trying to fall asleep at night.

Just about every night that I can recently remember or in the not so distant past, I have spent the first 15-30 minutes before falling asleep at night daydreaming...  although I am sure that Psychologists have another name for it of which I am unaware.

While my daydreams vary, they are still about the same topic, more-or-less, which is being something that I am not today or will ever become.  And, while that my sound self-defeating it is still nonetheless true because it is the logic of reality.

One of my daydreams is the publish the novels that I have written and become a best seller ending up relatively wealthy (in the tens of millions) and flying everywhere I want to go or visit with a first class ticket in my hand.

Another daydream is becoming the recipient of an inheritance by an unknown benefactor that makes me a multi-millionaire and I build the MODEST house of my dreams that had everything that my wife and I ever talked about but still no bigger than 2,500 square feet.

And yes,  I have never had the nerve to contact publishers and face the dozens of rejection letters I would receive by those who did not think my writing was good enough to publish, so, my daydreams might well have been experienced, but at my age of 72 that is not going to happen.

SIDE EFFECTS

2:16 am} and, I cannot sleep...

Retired, so I worry about very little other than what am I going to do tomorrow...

My eyes and body feel tired but when I lay down in the bed, I feel wide awake and just lay there wondering when the drowsiness will put me to sleep...

So, here I am drinking coffee with a little Cappuccino Mix in it to make it swallow a little easier...   and actually, I think I have become addicted to this sugar-free or fat-free mix because straight coffee no longer tastes good to me which is typically all I used to drink after being in the Navy...

I was in communications and worked in the Radio Shack on the USS Recovery ARS-43 which was a salvage and rescue ship.  It had less than 100 men aboard her and every two years she would spend 6 months in the Mediterranean Sea patrolling outfitted with the latest surveillance gear before leaving port at Little Creek, VA which was part of the Norfolk Naval Base.

About 1:00 am this morning I awoke from sleep because I had to take a piss and after laying back down in my soft, comfortable warm bed, laid there for a hour unable to return to sleep.

Because of my non-Hodgkin's "B" cell Lymphoma, I take 2 - 140 mg tablets of IMBRUVICA  daily which is considered an Immunotherapy Drug, not a Chemotherapy Drug.

Common side effects of Imbruvica include:

low platelet count,

diarrhea,

neutropenia,

anemia,

fatigue,

musculoskeletal pain,

muscle spasms,

joint pain,

swelling of the extremities,

fever,

upper respiratory tract infection,

cough,

shortness of breath,

nausea,

bruising,

indigestion,

constipation,

rash,

abdominal pain,

vomiting,

decreased appetite,

swelling of the mouth and lips,

urinary tract infection,

pneumonia,

skin infections,

sinus infection,

weakness,

nosebleed,

decreased appetite,

dehydration,

dizziness, and

headache.

Of course, my inability to sleep could be coming from my enlarged prostate and a PSA count that was twice what it was last year and over the recommended amount and the reason why I am going to a Urologist to see if I have prostate cancer next week.

In addition to my IMBRUVICA, I am receiving a monthly infusion of OPDIVO to control my Metastatic Melanoma which in a matter of 41/2 years went from my foot to my groin to my neck; although, when it was removed from my neck, the Melanoma was DEAD thanks to the radiation treatments I had along with the OPDIVO infusions; apparently, when OPDIVO is combined with radiation, the radiation super-charges the OPDIVO to fight the Melanoma...   lucky me...

Common side effects of Opdivo include:

• fatigue
• rash
• itching
• cough
• upper respiratory tract infection
• swelling of the extremities
• shortness of breath
• muscle pain
• decreased appetite
• nausea
• vomiting
• constipation
• diarrhea
• weakness
• swelling
• fever
• abdominal pain
• chest pain
• joint pain
• weight loss
• irregular heartbeat
• eye inflammation
• infusion-related reactions
• increased amylase
• increased lipase
• dizziness
• numbness and tingling
• skin peeling
• skin redness and
• psoriasis.

YEAH...  I was pretty frigging amazed when I saw these two lists too...  I have been taking immunotherapy drugs for two years but I have also been taking chemotherapy drugs for 10 years, all of which basically has the same side effects...   

WHILE sleeplessness in not on the list...  WTF...  I experience it once or twice a week like clockwork...