Engineers

Understanding Engineers 1

Two engineering students were riding bicycles across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get the great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said, 'Take what you want.'”

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.”

Understanding Engineers 2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers 3
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, "I don't think I've ever seen such inept golf!”
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him.”
He said, “Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?”
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!”
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I'll say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'll contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them.”
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?”

Understanding Engineers 4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers 5
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?”
The graduate with a Commerce degree asks, "How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers 6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it isn't sufficiently complex yet.

And Finally
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Steve, "but we don't have a ladder.”
The woman took pliers from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her purse, took a measurement, announced, “21 feet," and walked away.


Steve shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”

Both engineers have since quit their jobs and have been elected to Congress.