Living On Borrowed Time

A few years ago while receiving chemo treatment, I was informed by my Oncologist after a taking a PET scan that while the melanoma that had been removed from my left foot 5 years ago (without any followup treatment) had metastasized to the left side of my groin with a vengeance and that I was being referred to a Surgical Oncologist to see if surgery of the Melanoma was again an option.  My surgical oncologist, after reviewing the most recent PET scan told my wife and I that I was living on borrowed time.

We both rode home after that comment in a stupor not saying a word to each other...

Neither of us believe that the Surgical Oncologist had not done his homework but what we do believe is that he was not thorough in doing his homework and after reviewing the PET scan images made the assumption that everything that was highlighted was Melanoma when in fact that is was a combination of Melanoma and Lymphoma.

Shortly after that meeting, I met with the Radiologist who told my wife and I that the latest and greatest treatment for my kind of Melanoma was concentrated radiation followed up with Opdivo infusions because the data was showing that the radiation supercharged the Opdivo as it attacked the Melanoma.

Fortunately, my body responded PERFECTLY and my results were exactly what the data showed...  When a lump was removed a year later from my neck, we were again informed by that same Surgical Oncologist that he removed lymph nodes and DEAD MELANOMA.

I still have a few lumps on the left side of my groin that I have been told is more than likely dead Melanoma.

It is interesting to note here that my attitude towards life has changed and I know see each day as a gift and try to make the most of each day and sometimes I recall the living on borrowed time comment, but for the most part I just appreciate each day and be positive about whatever life bring my/our way.

Out of the Closet

Despite Pentagon statements that it disbanded a once-covert program to investigate unidentified flying objects, the effort remains underway — renamed and tucked inside the Office of Naval Intelligence, where officials continue to study mystifying encounters between military pilots and unidentified aerial vehicles.

Pentagon officials will not discuss the program, which is not classified but deals with classified matters. Yet it appeared last month in a Senate committee report outlining spending on the nation’s intelligence agencies for the coming year. The report said the program, the Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon Task Force, was “to standardize collection and reporting” on sightings of unexplained aerial vehicles, and was to report at least some of its findings to the public within 180 days after passage of the intelligence authorization act.
                       

While retired officials involved with the effort — including Harry Reid, the former Senate majority leader — hope the program will seek evidence of vehicles from other worlds, its main focus is on discovering whether another nation, especially any potential adversary, is using breakout aviation technology that could threaten the United States.

Senator Marco Rubio, the Florida Republican who is the acting chairman of the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, told a CBS affiliate in Miami this month that he was primarily concerned about reports of unidentified aircraft over American military bases — and that it was in the government’s interest to find out who was responsible.

We'v Got Aliens... living among us...

 

Helen Sharman

January 2020  --  (CNN)Aliens definitely exist, Britain's first astronaut has said -- and it's possible they're living among us on Earth but have gone undetected so far.

Helen Sharman, who visited the Soviet Mir space station in 1991, told the Observer newspaper on Sunday that "aliens exist, there's no two ways about it."

"There are so many billions of stars out there in the universe that there must be all sorts of different forms of life," she went on. "Will they be like you and me, made up of carbon and nitrogen? Maybe not."

Then, in a tantalizing theory that should probably make you very suspicious of your colleagues, Sharman added: "It's possible they're here right now and we simply can't see them."  

To read entire article, click here...

I must admit that I have always been a fan of Star Trek but have never much cared for Star Wars or many other SYFY shows because they always seemed too unrealistic and bizarre in how they portrayed aliens from other planets in the Universe.  However, I am not arrogant enough to think that most aliens will look like us because that is logically doubtful as well.

What really concerns me is the understanding, knowledge, and belief that OUR GOVERNMENT and/or OUR MILITARY is keeping the TRUTH about aliens away from us for some reason and it is not just because that knowledge might cause hysteria or panic, but for some other reason...

WHAT IF...  ALIENS ARE LIVING 

AMONG US?

Are You For Real?

WITNESSING

I am a Christian because my parents were Christian and they raised me in a Christian way, making sure I attended Sunday School and Church every Sunday until I graduated from high school.  I was 18 years old when I graduated from high school so for a good 10 years I was mentally aware enough to understand what I was hearing in Sunday School and Church.  I was raised in the Methodist Church and heard the major stories contained in the Bible several times.

My belief is that you do not have to attend Church to have a strong faith and whenever I have attended Church, I have found that I am sitting in a pew inside a building where many of the attendees are attending simply to be seen because once out-of-church that hardly ever practice what they preach or have been taught.  It is this hypocrisy that has kept me out of the Church.

When I moved from NC to TN, I was exposed to the Southern Baptists and they are a completely different breed of Christian and spend most of the time talking about "being born again," and witnessing than any other group of Christians to which I have been exposed.

Apparently, these people did not believe in God and were not exposed to religion when they were young by their parents and experienced a life altering event that caused them to be born again and become totally engrossed in the Baptist philosophies without challenging their validity...  BLIND FAITH so to speak.  And, once they become born again, they share their feelings with everyone even if and when they do not really want to listen.  This behavior pattern is called witnessing.

I don't mind these born again Baptists witnessing as long as it is not with me because once they get started they can talk for hours without letting the other person speak at all.  And, their examples can come from anywhere like relating repairing gutters to faith or dust on a living room table to faith...  and, the biggest theme is that they all compelled to do something that they would not normally do and believe that to be God telling them what to do...  like taking a left turn on a city street only to find out that there had been an accident on the same road they were traveling had they not made the left hand turn...  and, strongly believe that decision to turn came from God.

Shake it Easy

THIS and THAT

Dividing My Life

I can divide my life into 5 unequal (in terms of years) segments:

First --  is my life before high school  (0-14)

Second --  is my life in high school (15-18)

Third --  is my life in college, the military, and back in college (19-25)

Fourth --  is my professional career (26-67)

Fifth --  is my ongoing retired life (68-current age)

Throughout my entire life (up to and including right now) my faith has been with me, not as some sort of flashing beacon illuminating the way, but as if it were a coin or good luck charm in my pocket.  For many reasons, I do not believe in institutionalized religion nor do I think that the various Christian Denominations ARE A GOOD THING, especially since if you do not believe like they do, then you ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG.

This is not how faith was supposed to be experience...  at least this is my opinion.

A lot of people say that they live their faith but if you were to put a microscope to that statement, one would see that this is not true at all.

I live my faith but not in my witnessing and not in my going to Church and not in my Bible Readings and not in my prayers...   BUT, in my realization that,
first - my life is a gift from God
second - whoever or whatever that I am or have become is God's Will

In short, I acknowledge God as MY CREATOR and I accept that GOD'S WILL is being done here on earth regardless of whether or not we like the outcomes.

I don't pray for forgiveness
I don't pray for my good health or others
I don't pray for an end to violence
I don't pray that the US military win wars
I don't pray that I will be successful
I don't pray that I will be happy





WHAT I PRAY FOR AND ACKNOWLEDGE IS THAT GOD'S WILL BE DONE HERE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN...  wherever heaven might be....

I do this because in the Bible Jesus told us to use THE LORD'S PRAYER when praying to his father...   it is just that simple...  and, to me, very few people have followed that advice...   and, you would not believe how long some of the prayers I have listened to are...

I have no idea if I am correct in this analysis, but it is my analysis nonetheless.

All Creatures Great and Small

Let There Be Rain

This is my ultimate relaxation scenario... as long as the humidity is low...  otherwise, I would be inside listening to the melodious tones on the rain falling in the trees, on the ground, on the roof tops, and on a nearby flowing stream or river.  The hammock is not necessary but some sort of reclining chair only enhances the situation for me.  This is meditative serenity that could go on forever...

A New Perspective

On July 12, 2020 my wife took me to the  ER at UTMC in Knoxville because my UTI meds (that a clinic had prescribed) were not working and I was maintaining a temperature of 103 degrees.  Once inside the exam room of the ER (I was later told) my blood pressure was 79/59, I was in sepsis experiencing afib, heart and kidney failure due to a blood infection. and had my body not responded the way it did, I probably would have died.  I had 3 IVs in my arms and hands and one of the ER nurses was squeezing a bag trying to get the fluids into me as quick as she could.  One doctor put in a central line thinking that I had COVID and there were about 6 altogether hovering over me talking to each other while simultaneously trying to make me feel better.

From my perspective lying on my back looking up, I could figure out what the problem was because I did not feel as bad as they were saying I should feel as they reassured me all would be well.  On the other side of the coin, I was not scared or fearful just had concern because I was not being told anything.  Much much later that day, I was transferred to ICU and still in the dark as to my situation, only being told that I was not going home tonight and probably not for the next several days.  UNCERTAINTY was rolling around in my head especially since I had not seen my wife for 2 days.

Late in the afternoon of July 17, 2020, I was discharged from the Cardiac Wing of the UTMC Hospital and asked my wife once we left the hospital's campus to stop at the closest Weigel's and get me a large FAT FREE French Vanilla Cappuccino for $1.89 and as we continued the ride home began to reflect upon what had just happened to me and why I was not feeling any better, knowing I was finally on my way home.  

As part of my discharge agreement, a PICC line was inserted in my upper left arm above the elbow and my wife was to give me IV Antibiotics until August 11, 2020 or for another 25 days...  these antibiotics were to be administered every 8 hours.

TODAY...  I can feel my body getting better as it adjusts to the antibiotics and its recovery from being in the hospital.  I was told that it takes 3 days for every 1 day in the hospital to get back to some sort of normalcy with my body.  For me, that would be 18 days, and today marks 17 days.

BTW, my blood infection that was throughout my entire body was a STAPH infection that could have been caused by me scratching a bug bite.

Needless to say, I do not want to repeat any of what I just went through, but more than that is the fact that I want to convince myself that I am closer to death than I am to being 40 years of age and while there is nothing wrong with trying to feel young, I must understand that I am not young and because I am fighting two different kinds of cancers (Lymphoma and Melanoma) that I should TAKE ADVANTAGE of each day that I have been given.

I don't necessarily mean take advantage in the sense of being productive but take advantage in the sense of understanding the beauty of life and not let the media cloud that appreciation because of the turmoil going on in this country.

I am sitting inside my screened-in back porch and I am listening to the rain fall.  

I am listening to the birds sing. 

I am watching a hummingbird drink from a feeder. 

I am noticing how green the grass is and not how bad it looks because I mowed it too wet.  

I am imaging a blue sky behind the clouds.  

I am noticing the symmetrical shape of trees.   

I am listening to the silence.

There is no charge for what I am doing.  This part of life is FREE and for the most part completed unappreciated...  and, if it takes a near death experience to understand, the SOBEIT.

HAPPINESS

WHAT IS HAPPINESS?

From positivepsychology.com -- happiness is the state of feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. ... Happiness is equated with feeling pleasure or contentment, meaning that happiness is not to be confused with joy, ecstasy, bliss, or other more intense feelings.     Apr 15, 2020

From Wikipedia  --  The term happiness is used in the context of mental or emotional states, including positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. It is also used in the context of life satisfaction, subjective well-being, eudaimonia, flourishing and well-being.

Overlook the fact that, in part, these two quotes contradict each other and focus on what it is that you think constitutes happiness...

• Some believe happiness is achieved with money
• Some believe that happiness is achieved with power
• Some believe that happiness is achieved with ownership of assets
• Some believe that happiness is achieved with a strong faith
• Some believe that happiness is achieved with peace of mind

Given all these differences, one can now easily see why our FOUNDING FATHERS said that our government should focus on THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS...

SO...  the question now becomes does our government give every citizen an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TO PURSUE?

My pursuit of HAPPINESS is going to be different from your pursuit of HAPPINESS because our physical, mental, and personality limitations are DIFFERENT...  and, they are different because we were not born EQUALLY nor is all our DNA equal which is another reason we are different.  AND...  our differences are compounded with our geographical location and by our birth parents who may or may not be willing to help us with our pursuit of happiness.

SO...  WE AGAIN RELY ON OUR GOVERNMENT...

Government is not our parent nor should it be our parent but some would have us believe that Government SHOULD/MUST be our parent in order to achieve some level of EQUALITY FOR ALL.

Personally, I am not as financially well off as my parents were (both are dead now) and my pursuit of happiness was very much different from their pursuit of happiness and the direction in which they tried to push me.

OUR GOVERNMENT had nothing to do with the choices I MADE and will continue to make until I too am DEAD.

BUT, I was not born in a ghetto...   and unfortunately, I am white...   and, I wonder if my pursuit of happiness and personality would have been different if I were black and born in the ghetto...   but, my wondering is irrelevant because no matter how much I wonder, it will never change who I am and who I have become.

Why do some overcome their handicaps and others do not?

Answering this question is exactly why we will never be equal in America...

All Men (and women) Are Created Equal

From the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE...

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their 

Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of 

Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just 

powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes 

destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new 

Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to 

them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness...

While these words are beautifully articulated, they are nonetheless MISLEADING...  because all men (including women) are actually not equal when looking at the details of each individual life.

• Some are intellectually smarter than others
• Some  have better physical abilities than others
• Some are more musically/artistically gifted than others
• Some are better looking than others
• Some are taller than others
• Some have better eyesight than others
• Some are more motivated than others

SO...  our CREATOR does not create all human beings equal because our DNA to a large degree dictates the kind of person we will be...  and, this also presupposes that everyone believes in a CREATOR and we know that many people, especially in the USA do not believe in a CREATOR...

Therefore, the statement is misleading.

HOWEVER,

every person who is born in the USA and I suppose all those who have become citizens of the USA are entitled AS CITIZENS to be guaranteed LIFE...  LIBERTY...   and, to pursue HAPPINESS...  and this RIGHT is NOT PREDICATED upon EQUALITY.

TO THIS END...  let me also state that LIFE and LIBERTY is pretty much a NO BRAINER for everyone living in the USA...  but,

the pursuit of HAPPINESS is ILLUSIVE at best and cannot really be guaranteed by OUR GOVERNMENT even though the DEMOCRATS believe that our government can guarantee happiness with their first objective being:  MAKE EVERYONE EQUAL FINANCIALLY...

This philosophy is as ridiculous as it it stupid...             more later...

America is Just Plain FAT and getting FATTER

        

Obesity is a common, serious, and costly disease

1. The prevalence of obesity was 42.4% in 2017~2018. [Read CDC National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) data brief]
2. From 1999–2000 through 2017–2018, the prevalence of obesity increased from 30.5% to 42.4%, and the prevalence of severe obesity increased from 4.7% to 9.2%. [Read CDC NCHS data brief]
3. Obesity-related conditions include heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes and certain types of cancer that are some of the leading causes of preventable, premature death. [Read guidelinesexternal icon]
4. The estimated annual medical cost of obesity in the United States was $147 billion in 2008 US dollars; the medical cost for people who have obesity was $1,429 higher than those of normal weight. [Read paperexternal icon]
5. Obesity affects some groups more than others[Read CDC National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) data brief]  
6. Non-Hispanic blacks (49.6%) had the highest age-adjusted prevalence of obesity, followed by Hispanics (44.8%), non-Hispanic whites (42.2%) and non-Hispanic Asians (17.4%).  
7. The prevalence of obesity was 40.0% among young adults aged 20 to 39 years, 44.8% among middle-aged adults aged 40 to 59 years, and 42.8% among adults aged 60 and older.  
8. Obesity and socioeconomic status [Read the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (MMWR)]

Obesity Facts:

• Overall, men and women with college degrees had lower obesity prevalence compared with those with less education.
• By race/ethnicity, the same obesity and education pattern was seen among non-Hispanic white, non-Hispanic black, and Hispanic women, and also among non-Hispanic white men, although the differences were not all statistically significant. 
• Among men, obesity prevalence was lower in the lowest and highest income groups compared with the middle income group. 
• Among women, obesity prevalence was lower in the highest income group than in the middle and lowest income groups.   SOURCE:  CDC.GOV June 2020

IN SHORT... AMERICA IS FAT: OVERWEIGHT AND OBESE

I am 72 years old and did not find myself overweight until I was 60 years old and realized after having being diagnosed with cancer had been inactive for many years.  My weight steadily increased whether I exercised or not because of all the steroids that I was taking to fight my cancer.  Today, I have lost 25 pounds of the extra weight gained by counting my daily intake of calories and making sure that I eat less that 2,000/day with the understanding that if I each 2400 calories one day, that the next day I only eat 1600 to balance it out.

BUT, what bothers me more than anything else is the fact that most teenagers are obese and that adults in their 20's, 30's, 40's are obese as well.  I can understand how one puts on weight, due to inactivity when they are in their 50's and 60's and 70's but it makes no sense for young people to be FAT.

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?

• the individual
• the doctors
• the government
• the restaurants
• the advertisers

The situation is made worse when a FAT PERSON consumes ALCOHOL and/or ILLEGAL DRUGS...

Pickup Truck Drivers Are All Road Bullies

GENERALIZATIONS:  

1. all pickup truck drivers are short in stature
2. all pickup truck drivers work in low wages jobs
3. all pickup truck drivers are white males
4. all pickup truck drivers are uneducated
5. all pickup truck drivers are conservative because liberal bullies drive SUV's

I have never owned a pickup truck and never wanted to own a pickup truck and the bigger the pickup truck the more of an idiot driver there is behind the wheel.

The first issue that bothers me about pickup trucks (and this goes for SUV's as well) is when the damn vehicles are in front of you, especially on city roads, you cannot see around the damn things making it a tad unsafe and usually forces me to move over into another lane, in order to see what's ahead of me on the road.

The second issue that bothers me about pickup trucks is that they always have to back into a parking place and for the inexperienced pickup truck driver, this could take 3-5 attempts making sure it is squared up correctly.  In those lots where two cars are parked in a column, large pickup truck typically take up both spaces because they are so frigging long.

BUT, my main complaint is driving on the INTERSTATE and I can be in the fast lane driving at 80 mph trying to get around an 18 wheeler when a pickup up truck will pull right up on my ass and flash their lights for me to move over, knowing that there is no frigging place for me to move over to until I get around the 18 wheeler.

In short, they are trying to force me to drive faster than I want to drive because they are impatient.  AND, there is never a cop around when this kind of shit happens.

Typically, I decide to slow down and take my time getting around the 18 wheeler...   I mean after all, I have handicapped plates on the back of my vehicle.

There should be a special lane just for these pickup truck driving assholes!!!

Married But Alone

In 1990 (30 years ago), I relocated from the Piedmont of NC to the TN Valley of East TN and in so doing forfeited my network of support in NC...  and, over the last 30 years, my personality, behavior, and comments have prevented me from developing a network of support here in TN, virtually leaving me with no one but my wife for support.  However, that lone support has not really been there because my wife recently told me as well as others (at Church) that she should have left me years ago...  yet, she has remained so one can just imagine how much support I get there.  Recently, she has been forced to take care of me which I can just imagine all the negative thoughts that are going through her mind as she blames me for what she has to do FOR ME.

Compounding what is going on with me and around me in East TN, is the fact that my younger brother never reaches out to me to see how I am doing; my daughter (from a previous marriage) never reaches out to me to see how I am doing, and my sister has made it clear that she no longer wants to communicate with me.

Like Jimmy Buffet said in one of his songs, "Yes, it is my fault..."  And, while that is true for me, once that sentiment has been set into motion, NO ONE on the other side is ever willing to believe that things might one day be different...  so, nothing changes and nothing will ever change to repair those feelings and actions.

Once these people STOP dealing with you, they will NEVER make an attempt to see if they should change their behavior and/or actions.

THEREFORE, I must live with this situation (that I alone created) for the rest of my life...   which in my situation may not be that long because of my age and because old folks die quicker when they are not immersed inside a network of support with family and friends.

I doubt if too many people want to end their lives like this....

THIS and THAT